


I Just Want It Simple

by http_jungkook



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: AU, Angst, Chanyeol Smut, Character Death, F/M, Fluff, chanyeol angst, chanyeol fluff, reader x chanyeol, tw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-05-16
Packaged: 2018-09-23 03:10:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 34,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9638414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/http_jungkook/pseuds/http_jungkook
Summary: he was supposed to be a one-night stand, how did things end up so complicated?





	1. Chapter 1

As far as parties go, any that take place in the office are destined to suck. Tonight, was no exception. Pushing your straw around your drink, you gaze around the room and observe as your employees enjoy the festive spirit. Mr Byun, an intern from marketing, chases Miss Kang around with mistletoe, while Mr Boo and Mr Kwon sing obnoxiously along to Mr Lee playing ‘Last Christmas’ on the piano. You’d never felt the need to get on a first name basis with your subordinates, since other than in the office you had barely any interaction with them. Your assistant, Miss Jeon, comes over to you with another drink in hand.

“Miss _____;” She replaces the glass, allowing you a moment to grab your straw from the previous drink. “How’re you liking the party? Do the decorations meet your expectations?”

“Well” You take a sip, and the strength of the drink almost shocks you – never mind, it’s Christmas, after all. “To say we’re in a room full of professionals attempting to prevent cancer, it’s remarkable how much liver damage I can see taking place.” Almost on cue, Miss Ahn runs past you towards the lavatory, with Miss Seo in tow giggling manically. “Otherwise, I’d say you’ve done rather a good job.”

“Thank you very much, Miss _____!” She hovers a moment, and you realise she’s waiting to be excused.

“Somi, it’s Christmas. Go have fun.” The first name seems to throw her momentarily, before she beams at you and bows slightly, turning and departing swiftly. You down the rest of your drink, and walk over to Chunga, your Head of Office.

“Uh-oh, you’re wobbling a little!”

“Don’t be stupid, I’ve only had two drinks.”

“Oh my god you’re practically slurring as well!”

“I can fire you, you know?”

“You can. But you won’t. Then who will you talk to in the office?” You roll your eyes, though she made a fair point. Chunga had been with you since you had begun your company almost 3 years ago – straight out of college, into the real world.

At YMP Pharmaceuticals, you were dedicated to providing as many people with the best possible treatments. But as your mother always used to say, you’ve got to break a few eggs to make an omelette. To build up your company, you had had to become a ruthless CEO; no weakness, no mercy. What you were doing was for the better of society, but it meant you would often have to forsake your own sanity from time to time. What others would only do for a six-figure pay cheque, you opted to do in overtime and during holidays. Your life was a balancing act, with the stress of work and home life often threatening to drown you.

Not that now was any time to concern yourself with home life…

You two sit in silence for a moment, before Chunga sighs heavily and spins to face you.

“Do you wanna get out of here? I hear there’s a new club opening in SoHo?”

“Now that” You reach for the drink in Chunga’s hand, and down it “is a fantastic idea.”

 

-

 

In the taxi ride over, your phone had only gone off once. _Probably saying goodnight._ Rather than check it, you put it in silent and laughed along with Chunga and two floor managers that she had convinced to join you on the elevator ride down. Mr Yoon and Mr Choi, their names were. You don’t recall ever coming across them, but at this point, your office consisted of almost 40 employees – it was impossible to keep track of everyone.

“We’ve got a great kid starting tomorrow; just graduated Princeton with honours. Did a year in South Korea and turned down an internship in China for this role – gonna be great at connecting us with the Eastern market.”

“Fantastic; bring her to my office in the morning.”

“Oh, __________, you need to sober up a little otherwise we’re never gonna get in!” Chunga giggle and smacks your knee lightly. “Oooh! We’re here!”

Chunga grabbed Mr Yoon’s hand and darted out the taxi, and you’re quick to follow. However, as you approach the bouncer you see his face turn to a scowl. You run your hand through your hair and set your shoulders back, allowing the corners of your mouth to upturn slightly.

“You two, yes, but you two, back of the line.” Mr Choi lets out a scoff, and Chunga claps giddily. This was often the case; too many men in the club paired with your designer ensembles made it easy for you two to get in almost anywhere you wanted, but it was often at the expense of whatever men you brought along. Lacing your fingers in Chunga’s, you enter the club and head straight to the bar. Packed, as expected.

“Did you really need to bring those guys? You knew they would never get in.”

“Without people to turn away, we wouldn’t have either. Bouncer’s don’t like letting full groups into busy clubs. I’ve explained this a million times; you claim to be good at science!”

“I like to remember the REAL science. I haven’t got the time or capacity to remember your little bullshit ‘facts’.”

“It’s not bullshit! Not that you’d know; this is the first time you’ve been out in what, 3 months?”

“You know things have been complicated.”

“I know you call them ‘complicated’. I don’t know what that actually means.”

“That’s because I’m your boss, and it’s none of your fucking business.” You flash a sweet smile at her to ensure the words aren’t seen as bitter, and she just rolls her eyes and laughs a little.

“Whatever, let’s just make tonight fun.” She starts craning her neck over the top of the crowd, judging how far from being served you really are. Suddenly, her eyes widen, and she ducks down. “Oh my god, someone is totally checking you out!”

“What?? How can you possibly know that? You were looking for, what, five seconds?”

“I promise you he is. Oh my god, let’s get ______ laid!” Before you have the chance to protest, your wrist is being tugged away from the bar and onto the dance floor. Chunga positions you, and lays her arms over your shoulders, leaning into your ear as you both sway. “Okay, look over by the end of the bar. Tall, dark curly hair, wearing a dinner jacket and pants.”

Your eyes flash to where she tells you, and sure enough, you see a guy stood with two other people. His eyes scour the room, and momentarily you see them lock on you before he looks away.

“I’m not sure about this. Isn’t he checking you out?”

“Nope, definitely you. I’m certain.”

Sure enough, when you look back, you see his gaze back on you. Chunga moves back slightly, allowing more room to dance, and wiggles her eyebrows. You begin dancing and consider your options. You could go over, but then if he isn’t interested that would be awkward. You could smile, but that might be too discreet, especially in this crowd.

You see him laugh at something his friend says, and as he once again looks in your direction, his smile is what makes up your mind. You weave your way through the crowd, and find a spot near the end of the bar to ‘order drinks’. _If he doesn’t say something, he’s not interested. If he doesn’t come over, he doesn’t care. If he doesn’t-_

“Can I buy you a drink?” A warm voice in your ear sends a shiver down your spine. You turn around to see Mr Tall-and-Smiley above you, and you find yourself grinning.

“Well, if you insist.” A surge in the crowd pushes him into you, and you blush slightly. The bartender eventually reaches you, and Tall-and-Smiley orders you each a drink. You begin to walk back to the dance floor when a hand grabs your arm.

“I was thinking we’d maybe go upstairs?” Your eyebrows involuntarily shoot up. “They’ve got a roof garden at this place; bit less likely to spill drinks all over that beautiful dress of yours.” You let his hand run down your forearm until it reaches your hand, and he guides you up a flight of stairs and out onto the garden. You two sit at one of the free benches surrounding a huge water fountain in the centre.

“I’m Chanyeol, by the way.”

“_______.”

“So, what’s a girl like you doing in a place like this?” You notice he shifts slightly, pressing his leg against yours and resting his arm behind you on the bench. You almost laugh at the whole situation; it’s been a _long_ time since you’ve had someone hit on you. You lean into his side a little, vodka from earlier in the night finally starting to impair your normally impeccable judgement.

“Well, it’s the holidays! I was at a holiday party, but those things tend to bum me out, so my friend and I left,” You sip your drink. “What about you?”

“Well, I’m celebrating my last night of freedom.” _Freedom??_ You lean back. _Oh my god…is this guy engaged??_ “Wait, that sounded bad. I mean, I got a new job. Tomorrow’s the first day.”

“Oh, congratulations! We should celebrate!” You hold out your glass to cheers him, and he clinks his glass against yours, chuckling softly. You attempt to sip your drink, but the straw fails to move the way you expect and you find it directly lined up with your eye.

“Ah, bollocks!” You reach up to cover your eye, laughing slightly. _You’ve completely lost your cool, _______._ Chanyeol reaches out, taking the glass from your hand and setting both of yours on the floor. He lets out a breathy laugh before he gently pulls your hand away from your eye to examine it. You wink hard a couple of times as your eye waters.

“Wow, I had no idea you liked me that much!” He jokes, before smiling wide at you. “Stop flirting for two seconds and let me look.” His thumb touches your brow bone and delicately holds your eye open as he stares intensely at your eye. You look up through your teary vision and observe how his eyebrows knit together while he looks for damage.

“I think you’ll live.”

His voice is barely a whisper.

You bite your lip.

That’s all it takes for him to lean in.

It may be the alcohol in your system, or the electricity you feel through your lips, but it doesn’t take long for your hands to find their way into his soft curls, and you feel one hand tighten around your waist pulling you in, while the other slips under you to cup your thigh. As you feel his hand slide up, you break away for breath. You look at him, his chest moving up and down at a slightly increased rate.

As you stand, you grab hold of the crook of his elbow, and together you make your way down through the club. When you reach the outdoors, a sharp gust of wind hits you, and your vision begins to blur slightly. You reach for your phone to message Chunga when you see the message.

 

**Hope you’re having lots of fun. Goodnight. Love you to the moon :) J xxx**

****

 

“Your place or mine?” Chanyeol looks at you expectantly.

**And back xxx**

You reply and return the device to your handbag.

 

 

 “Yours. Definitely yours.”

-

 

Your alarm sounds and your hangover makes itself well-known. As your head pounds, you grunt into your pillow.

Except…

It isn’t your pillow.

You shoot upright and look around the room, trying to remember yourself. You’re in a small double bed, however, you’re the only occupant at present. You look around to see sunlight peeking out behind the blinds, and the brightness stings your eyes. Scanning further, you take in the desk below the window, the guitar propped up in the corner of the room, and over by the door a pile of black sparkling fabric.

Oh god.

It’s only then you’re aware of the situation completely. Though you’re still in your underwear and bra, which puzzles you, your shoes and dress are most definitely on the floor of a stranger’s bedroom. A stranger who, for all intents and purposes, appears to have vanished. You stay as silent as possible, attempting to listen for any sound of life in the apartment, but fail to. Maybe he’s gone?

Cautiously, you swing one leg over the edge of the bed and as silently as you can, stand up. With light footsteps, you reach your dress and pull it on. Shoes in one hand and bag in the other, you step out of the room into a corridor, with another door shut opposite you. Not wishing to risk disturbing roommates, you continue with your path.  By the time you reach the front door, you’re certain if anyone were in you would’ve heard them by now, so waste no time in exiting with a ‘click’ of the lock. Once your shoes are on, you order an Uber and quickly rush home.

With a quick shower and a couple of aspirin, you make your way to work 45 minutes late.

 

-

 

“____, I’ve been trying to call you all morning, are you…are you okay?”

“Not now, Chunga. I need to go sleep under my desk for a couple hundred hours.”

“Not gonna happen, Jeonghan wants you to meet that newbie. The one from Princeton, remember?”

“Oh god, I’ve got no time for peppy kids. Can’t I meet her this afternoon?”

“Oh no, trust me. This one you need to see. Right. Now.” She nudges your arm, and the smirk on her face makes you nervous. You approach your office door, take a deep breath, and plaster on the best smile you can fake as you open the door. Mr Yoon and his new employee are sitting across from your desk, with their backs turned.

“Ah, Miss _________, I was worried you’d forgotten.” Mr Yoon stands up, and the young man in the seat next to him follows suit, turning to face you. “I’d like you to meet our newest team member, Mr Park. Chanyeol Park.”

Mr Tall-and-Smiley’s eyes widen, before he regains his composure and holds out his hand.

“Pleasure to meet you, Miss ______.”


	2. Chapter 2

You reach out and shake the new employees hand. Your palms are sweating, and suddenly your hangover isn’t the only thing making the world spin.

“You too, Mr Park, was it?”

He nods slightly, his lips pressed in a tight smile. You walk over to your desk, and as you sit down Somi walks in with some files and a Starbucks cup.

“Sorry to interrupt, I just need your approval on a couple of documents.” She sets the cup on your desk, and opens one of the folders in her hand. You attempt to avoid eye contact with the two gentlemen sat opposite you as you reach for a pen and begin scanning the first page. “Also, Mr Kim from the FDA has faxed over the details of a new trial; he wants to know if you’d be interested in distributing. He’s going to call back after 2 this afternoon, so I told him you’d have a look over it – from what I’ve read it seems to be a pretty stable drug – first trials had moderate success, but side effects were below average.” You sign the top file, hand it back to her, and smile.

“Thank you, Miss Jeon. I’ll deal with that once I’m done here.” On that note, she takes her leave, and you turn back to see Chanyeol with a smug smile on his face.

“Mr Yoon, will you give me a chance to speak to our new employee alone? Can’t have you hovering over his every word now, can we?” Mr Yoon looks a little shocked at your suggestion, but doesn’t make his protests vocal. Instead, he stands quickly, buttoning his jacket and bowing slightly. You and Chanyeol also stand.

“Of course, ________. Park, I’ll be waiting outside to show you around once you’ve won Miss _____ over.” He laughs at his comment, and you strain a smile at him.

“I’ll try my best, sir.” Chanyeol jokes along with him, and you roll your eyes. You watch Mr Yoon leave, and then turn sharply, lips pursed slightly, to face your problem.

“Well…this is unexpected.”

“I did say I was starting a new job today.”

“You did. Didn’t specify where, or what the job would be though.” You gesture for him to sit back down, and you walk around your desk to prop yourself against the front, looking down at him. “I’ll be completely honest, I don’t entirely remember what happened last night, but I think it goes without saying that it needs to stay between us. I can’t have it going around the office that I had sex with an intern on his first day. God, the ethics of it are ridiculous.”

“Well, I wouldn’t spread lies like that anyway.” You tilt your head and narrow your eyes, confused. “Oh wow, you really don’t remember. We didn’t have sex.”

“What? We didn’t?!” You raise your voice, astounded, before quickly clapping your hand over your mouth. _Not too loud, _____. We don’t want to alert the entire building._ Chanyeol chuckles.

“Call me old fashioned, but I’m not one for having sex with women whom are unconscious.” Your mouth drops, and any possible sentence you might’ve said to redeem the situation floats out of your head as embarrassment makes itself known on your cheeks.

“Oh. My. God. Oh my god; I am so sorry.” Your head falls slightly and you rub your eyes with your palms, before sliding them down to cup your cheeks. “That explains why I still had my underwear on this morning…but not why I was out of my dress? Where did you sleep, now we’re mentioning it?”

“Calm down, I took the couch. What you did with your dress was none of by business - you weren’t unconscious the entire time, just enough to make me think you weren’t as into the situation as me. There was a brief point when you were very, very chatty, but your head was in the toilet so it wasn’t the most stimulating conversation.” You can’t stop yourself; you slink to your knees, and run your hands through your hair.

“Oh, my god. I may as well resign right now. This is humiliating.”

“Nah” Chanyeol rests his elbows on his knees, and leans towards you. “I mean, yes. A little. But it’s fine – you complimented me a lot while trying to make yourself sick, so I had a good enough night.”

“And now I’m supposed to be your boss. This is terrible.”

“It doesn’t have to be. Like I said, I won’t be telling anyone anything.” You look up, and he’s smiling down at you with softness, you don’t struggle to believe him.

“Thank you.” He holds out a hand, and you rise to your feet, smoothing your skirt out as you compose yourself. “There’s nothing I can say to explain my behaviour, other than things have just been complicated lately, and apparently, I’ve forgotten the best way to let off steam.” You walk back around your desk, and pick up the coffee Somi had left for you.

“So, I assume it’d be inappropriate to ask for a second try?” You pause, just as you’re about to take a sip. “Joking, don’t worry.”

“I’m serious, Mr Park…”

“Call me Chanyeol.”

“I’d rather not.” You put the coffee down and sit in your chair. “My life is far too complicated right now for anything that might vaguely resemble what you’re looking for, even if we ignore the issues with the fact I’m your boss. It’d be best if we keep all of this as professional as possible, understand?”

You open the file from Mr Kim, and reach for a pen.

“You’ll fit in well here; I hope Jeonghan makes you feel comfortable.” It feels cruel, but it needs doing. You can’t have anyone distract you from everything else going on right now – you’ve only just started to find a balance. Chanyeol stands, and bow slightly.

“Well, thank you for the opportunity to work here, Miss ______.” You smile weakly, and nod. He turns to leave, but stops. “If, for whatever reason, you find yourself looking for someone – for any reason – that you want to talk to about your ever-so-complicated life…” He strides forward confidently, and balances a small card on top of your Starbucks cup. “If what you said last night is anything to go by, you don’t seem to have many people around you.” With that, he walks out of the office confidently, and you’re left in an empty office, eyebrows furrowed and mind reeling.

_What did I say last night?_

Before you can think too hard on the matter, your phone rings, and you’re brought back to reality. The ringtone is familiar, and you don’t need to look at the caller-ID to know it’s important.

“Hey babe, what’s up?”

 

-

 

“It was just too funny an opportunity to miss.”

“Bullshit; you just wanted to see me squirm.”

“Obviously, but you would have done the same.”

Chunga has her shoes off and her feet resting on your desk, a fork picking through her pasta salad. The presence of a tomato has her turning her nose up.

“You’re CEO, can’t you get the canteen to invest in nicer lunches?”

“I’m in charge of one floor. Not the entire building. Besides, you’re the one that refuses to walk more than 5 minutes for her lunch.”

“We should get one of the interns to do us a lunch run. What’s the point in them if they’re not here to make our lives easier?”

“That attitude is why you’re not in charge.”

“YET.” She laughs, and you scoff.

The office phone rings, and you hear Somi through open door.

“Yes, Mr Kim, yes sir. She’s out for lunch at the moment, but I’ll have her ring you as soon as she’s done. I’m certain she’s eager to discuss the details with you too. Yes sir. Thank you, sir. Okay now.”

“Oh shit, I haven’t finished reading that yet!” You reach across the desk and begin skimming. Somi knocks on your door, and Chunga spins in her chair.

“She’s just reading the last little bits now, dear. How do you feel about tomatoes, Miss Jeon?”

Somi looks momentarily between you and Chunga, and you nod for her to reply.

“I love them, Miss Kim. They absorb sodium, too, which reduces bloating.”

“No shit?! Man, no wonder I’ve been so puffy lately.” She closes the lid. “If you want them, they’re yours. Otherwise will you be a doll and throw them away for me?” Somi grabs the box, and Chunga turns back to you, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Miss Jeon is my secretary, not your personal assistant. Thank you, Miss Jeon. I’ll be done reading this in a moment. What did you think of it, overall?”

“It looks promising. Of participants, so far 71% under the age of 55 have found their white blood cell count has restored to within acceptable levels, and just last week they declared a 12-year-old in remission. They currently haven’t had a lot of participants, since the side effects seem to be stronger than other treatments on offer, but 71% is phenomenal, particularly for anyone between 21 and 55.”

“A 12-year-old, you say? So, they’re confident enough to be putting it in kids…” You pause, and your eyes flicker to Chunga. She shrugs her shoulders.

“How strong are we talking with these side effects? All I see here is the usual warnings; nausea, numbness, fatigue blah blah blah.”

“Their report doesn’t go into too much detail, but I was doing some reading. The most extreme case they’ve had was one woman in Chicago going blind in one eye – it returned once they took her off the chemo, but it was too late to start her on a different treatment. A couple of people report long-term damage to hearing, and one patient had large abscesses form in his throat; it was more an issue of poor care by his doctor, but either way...”

“So as long as we check in on the hospitals that start shipping this stuff out, and give a thorough pre-warning, we’ll have ourselves covered, right?”

“Yes, Miss _______.”

“I’ll ring him once I’m finished here with Miss Kim. That’ll be all, Miss Jeon.”

Chunga waits for Somi to leave before she makes a comment.

“Man, where did you find her? That girl knows exactly what she’s doing.”

“Joke all you want, but Somi’s further ahead in the running for stealing my job than you are right now. How did you not know sodium caused bloating?”

“Must’ve slept through that lecture. But seriously, it’s unethical for you to sleep around the office, what about me? Reckon I could convince Somi Jeon to come to the dark side?”

“Somi won’t be ‘coming’ anywhere near you, so back off.”

Chunga laughs at your joke, before getting up and slipping on her shoes.

“Pfft, we’ll see about that. People love women in power; just look at that intern that’s smitten for you.” She shuts the door before she can feel the pen you threw behind her.

 

-

 

Sitting on your couch at home, the light from the TV is all that keeps you from being surrounded by darkness. With case files open on your lap, you can’t focus on anything but the piece of card burning a hole in your blazer pocket. _Don’t do it. Don’t do it. Don’t do it._

Before you’ve acknowledged fully what you’re doing, your hand is rummaging around, and your fingers type in the number.

“Hello?”

“What exactly was I saying then, that meant you felt like I _needed_ to get your number?”

“Oh wow, Miss _____. Hi.”

“We aren’t at work, no need for the formalities. What did I say?”

“There wasn’t anything specific really. You just kept asking if you were talking too much, and saying how you don’t normally talk this much.” He exhales down the phone. “It was endearing, until you started crying.”

“CRYING?! I don’t think that’s right…maybe it was splash back?” He outright laughs at that.

“Your head wasn’t in the toilet at that point, so not likely. It wasn’t like, crazy bawling, just like a weight had been lifted by all your talking, if that makes sense?”

“Did I tell you anything important?”

His pause unsettles you.

“There was one thing…about your parents.”

Your eyes bulge, and you must’ve gasped because Chanyeol started to back track.

“You didn’t go into detail, and to be honest I was drunk so I don’t really remember much, just that they were mentioned at one point.”

“It’s fine. Just, weird I would’ve mentioned them to you, that’s all.”

“Like I said, not much detail, I can barely remember. Super irrelevant. What were we talking about?” One side of your mouth threatens to curl up.

“I think you were telling me about your first day at the office.” He laughs, and you smile.

“Oh well, what can I say? Great company, loads of awesome people to work with. The boss is a little cold, but I think I’ll win her over.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t count on it.”

“Just you wait, by the end of tomorrow, I’ll have won her over.”

“Well that’ll be a challenge, since I’m not in the office tomorrow. But if you leave a message with my secretary then I’m sure I’ll be able to get back to you at a later date.”

“Did I hear the word ‘date’?”

“Pipe down, Mr Park. You’ll get yourself in trouble.”

“There are worse things…”

A silence hangs. You bite your lip.

“Chanyeo-” Behind you, you hear a door open. “I’ve got to go. Talk to you soon, Mr Park.” You hit ‘end call’, and rise off the sofa.

“Sorry, did I wake you?”


	3. Chapter 3

Now he has your number, you find yourself waking up to texts from Chanyeol. Throughout your day, you’ll get a little motivational message, or an update on what he’s doing with his day. Sometimes you reply, but mostly you don’t. You’ve had other things on your mind; things have been getting tougher at home, and you’ve had a lot of personal reasons to be away from your desk. If it wasn’t for Somi, you’d probably have lost your head – that wasn’t to say she didn’t have her moments.

“I’m going out for lunch, Miss Jeon. Can I get you anything?”

“I’m fine, Miss _____. When you get back, I’ll have your things ready, and the car is scheduled to pick you up at 3.”

“Car, Somi?" As time goes on, you’re warming to the idea of calling her by her first name; after all, she’s probably your most valuable member of staff these days. However, the shift doesn’t seem to have fully sunk in with her, as her face often expresses that of a deer in the headlights when you use it.

“Yes, Miss ______. You have a presentation at BH Hospital on the new pain killer we acquired, AntiQuolic.”

“Oh crap. Okay, scrap that, I need to practice. Who oversaw the AQ project? I thought Choi was taking care of that?!”

“No, no, no, Miss _____. You aren’t presenting; you’re taking a couple of interns, and they’re in charge of it all.” You let out the breath you unintentionally were holding in.

“Don’t scare me like that, Somi. I thought we were done for. Who’s turn is it to shine through today then?”

“The interns coming with you today are Seulgi Kang, Baekhyun Byun, and Chanyeol Park.” You straighten up, and for a second you think you see Somi smirk.

“Yes, Miss Jeon?”

“Nothing, Miss ______. Do you want to grab a coat for lunch; it’s cold out today?”

She runs to grab your coat, and you click your neck from side to side. _Get it together, ______._

 

\--------

 

“So, Mr Byun. How’re things in marketing going?” The car ride is tense, and you suspect whatever resulted from Mr Byun’s actions at the Christmas party has made things uncomfortable between him and Miss Kang. Or it might be down to the fact they think no one remembers them getting ‘hot and heavy’, as Chunga put it, in the supply closet that night.

“Fine, Miss ______. We’re hoping to pair up with some local sports teams to have banners promoting our newest multivitamins around the home grounds.”

“That’s good. Has Choi had you do many presentations for big businesses before?”

“Not me, but I know a few from my department have. Miss Kang was saying this morning she presented for Saint Hong’s ER president before.”

“Fantastic, how did that go?”

“As well as I could’ve hope, Miss ______. I was lucky to have a good teacher then.”

“Well, you can go first then. Oh look, we’re here.” You reach for the door handle, but you’re beaten to it, and he smiles as he jumps out of the car ahead of you and proceeds to hold it open.

“Thank you, Mr Park.”

“You’re welcome, Miss ______.” You enter the building, and are shown to a conference room.

“Right, you have one shot at this. We’ve worked with BH for almost as long as we’ve been running, so this is an easy shoot for you kids, but nonetheless, I expect you to be the epitome of professional. You’re representing YMP, after all.”

On that note, a short round man walks in, bottom button undone on his shirt. You put on your best client-smile.

“Mr Bang! So good to see you again.” He leans in to kiss you on the cheek, and you hold your breath hoping to avoid the smell of his aftershave. Sihyuk Bang was very successful, and had been running a successful hospital since he took over as Chief of Medicine six years ago, but he wasn’t without his vices. Namely, his ‘thrifty’ nature, that made him a fantastic businessman but a pain in the ass to negotiate with, and you’d struggle to network at company dinners or conferences.

“These are some of my interns, they’ll be the ones pitching you today, so I trust you’ll show them your softer side.”

“Oh, you know I like to save that for you, Miss _______.” You both laugh, before sitting at the conference table and allowing your employees to set up. It’s only now that you get a good look at Chanyeol; dressed in business wear, and straightened hair instead of the curls you’re used to. You inhale, and Seulgi begins the presentation.

 

-

 

“Well, that went very well, if I do say so. Miss Kang’s experience really shone through. Mr Byun, you might need to pick up a few tips from her.”

“Yes ma’am, I’ll do my best.” You watch as the two exchange a look, and try to hide your smile.

“Mr Park, I was impressed. Did you have to do this sort of thing in your year abroad?”

“Yes, Miss _______. And during work placements at Princeton.”

“Very good.”

You exit the elevator, and walk through the reception of the hospital.

“I’ve called a car, is everyone returning to the office?”

“Actually Miss _____, Miss Kang lives around this neighbourhood. Would it be alright if I made sure she gets home safely?”

 “Well,” you check your watch. 5.07pm. “You’re off the clock, so I can’t stop you two, can I? Well done, both of you.” You shake their hands, and smile as they walk off together. “And yourself, Mr Park? I can have the car drop you home if you need?”

“Instead, I was hoping to grab something to eat. I don’t suppose you’re available?” He’s shoved his hands in his pockets, and is looking down sheepishly.

“I’m sorry, I’ve got somewhere I need to go right after the I grab my things from work.” He looks up, a little defeated, but that soon evaporates with a smirk and a sigh.

“Well, if you change your mind, I’m going to free all evening – you have my number.”

“Thanks. Do you need a ride?”

“Nah, my apartment’s only a couple of blocks away. Not that you’d remember.” Your mouth drops open, and he laughs hard. “See you around, ________.”

“That’s Miss _______ to you!”

“We’re off the clock!”

 

-

 

You get back home at gone 9, and when you open your fridge you’re disappointed to see your options are limited to half an iceberg and a couple of carrot sticks. You grab a carton of orange juice, and find that empty too. _Crap._ You grab your phone, and scroll through your contacts. The joys of unsociable hours – until about 4 months ago, you had lived primarily on take away and ready meals, so a variety of cuisines on speed dial. You search ‘C’ for ‘Curry House’, and find yourself hovering over Mr Tall-and-Smiley himself. _He had said he would be free all evening…_

“Hello?”

“So, I just got home and found my fridge completely empty, and was curious if you had any recommendations?”

“Wow, you just can’t get enough, can you?”

“Enough what? Groceries? Leave me alone, things have been chaotic recently.”

“You know what I mean. But since you’re asking, I happen to be sitting here with too much take out and was about to start a new show on Netflix; any of that take your fancy?”

“Are you inviting me over for ‘Netflix and Chill’, Mr Park?”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, Miss ______. Simply suggesting we enjoy some delicious food and some quality entertainment. I’ll stay 5 feet away from you at all times, if you wish.”

“5 may be a little excessive...” The sound of his laugh spurs you on. “If you’re providing the food, I’ll at least bring something over…how do you feel about wine?”

“Red gives me a hangover, but tends to be more fun.”

“A man after my own heart. I’ll be round in like, 25 minutes?”

“You sure you remember my address?”

“Like I was there only this month.”

 

-

 

Chanyeol shuts the door behind you, and offers to take your coat. While he hangs it up, you find yourself feeling awkward. You’d been here once before, but obviously when you were here you hadn’t spent much time taking in your surroundings.

“You can sit down, if you want?”

You nod, and perch at the edge of the couch, and set the bottle of wine you’d brought over down. It’s a little worn down, but most of the things in his apartment seem to be. Quite a contrast to all the leather and clear surfaces in your own home; there’s piles of magazines and CD’s, a keyboard under the window and sheet music scattered on the floor. Photos cover one of the walls, and it’s all very ‘homely’. Recently, you’d been trying to make your apartment more comfortable, but you doubted you’d ever be able to reach this level. You just couldn’t handle being this sentimental and…messy.

“I have glasses, and I have cutlery. I got curry with rice, also some cold noodles and a couple of spring rolls if you want?”

“Oh wow, basically covered most of the takeaway options. Just need something Italian thrown in here, and it’s perfect.”

“We’ll pretend the wine’s Italian.” He reaches for the bottle and pours you a glass. “Sorry the place is a little messy; it’s been hard keeping on top of it all since my flat mate hasn’t been around to clean.” He gathers a few of the papers on top of the coffee table, and takes them to the trash.

“Oh, where’s he gone?”

“SHE, has gone to do a year in Syria. Dangerous stuff, but since she graduated med school she wanted to do as much as she could to help people.” The take-out boxes are placed on the table, along with two plates, before Chanyeol sits next to you.

“Oh wow – intelligent AND kind.” You reach for the glass, and find yourself downing the first glass, which had barely been half full. “She sounds wonderful.”

“Not jealous, are we?”

“Don’t be stupid.” You start scooping noodles onto your plate, and attempt to sounds nonchalant. It doesn’t work.

“You’re totally jealous! It’s written all over your face!”

“Jealousy is worrying someone is going to take what you have; last I checked, no one HAS you.” The words fall out of your mouth before you have a chance to stop them. You freeze for a second, and seeing his face turn smug with a tight smirk, you shove the food in your mouth quickly and look away.

“You could, though.”

Noodles threaten to be spat across the hardwood, you’re so taken aback. Chanyeol throws himself backwards with laughter, slapping his arms together. You swig your wine, and scowl at him.

“Shut up and put something on the TV.”

“Just saying.” His tone is mocking, and you watch with narrow eyes as he picks up the remote and changes the channel to put on the newest show on Netflix. When he leans back into his seat, you’re aware of the distance between you two.

 _Good. Stay over there, Mr Park._ You get yourself comfortable, and continue to pick away at your meal.

The whole time you’re watching the show, you find yourself thinking about that space. From time to time, you look over to watch his face as he watches what’s on in front of him. His mouth hangs open slightly and his eyes are large. At a particularly scary moment, he jumps out of his seat slightly, and throws his hands up by his ears. But no effort is made to move closer. It shouldn’t bother you, but it does.

You stand as the credits begin to roll, and announce that you’re going to the bathroom. Chanyeol offers to show you where you’re going, but you vaguely remember a door at the end of the corridor that you hadn’t dared to go into when you were here last.

Shutting the door carefully behind you, you look yourself up and down in the mirror. Your hair was scraped up in a bun, and you were in leggings and a sweater. A nice sweater, but one that smelt like hospital and vomit. You should’ve changed when you knew you would be leaving the house. _Stupid _____._ You pull your hair out of the bobble, and splash your face with cold water. This is ridiculous. What do you even want here? What were you expecting? A booty call? A…boyfriend? You shudder just thinking the word. You barely even knew this man. Why was he getting under your skin so much?

You run your hands through your hair, and roll your shoulders back. Tipping your head left and right, you look yourself over once more. _Go out there, thank him, and walk away. That’s all you need to do._ Just as you reach for the door handle, the bulb above you goes dark. _Oh great._

“Erm, Chanyeol, your light has gone in the bathroom…” You step out into the living room to see darkness everywhere, and instantly freeze. “Chanyeol…” You take a cautious step forward.

Suddenly, you feel a tickle around your waist, and you jump out of your skin, squealing as you do so. As you spin to face the source, you hear a sound you can only describe as cackling. A beam of light shines at you, momentarily blinding you, before it turns back to reveal Chanyeol’s figure propped against the wall.

“You’re a dick, you know that?”

“Sorry, it was just too good an opportunity to miss.” You snatch the torch out of his hand, and see him gasping for breath, a toothy grin on his face. He stands upright, wiping away a singular tear running down his cheek. “But on a serious note, there seems to have been a power cut. The windows across the street look fine, so it must just be the building. So much for ‘Netflix and Chill’.” You smack at his stomach, which is much firmer than you were expecting. “Joking, obviously!”

“What do you suggest we do then?”

“Well, I have a couple of candles, but the biggest issue is that my door is an electric lock.”

You gape at him.

“That’s ridiculous; what do you do if there’s a fire?!”

Relax, there’s an escape out the bedroom window. If you’re that desperate to go home, feel free to use it. Otherwise, the best thing we can do is sit and wait it out.”

“I can’t stay too late, I have to be up early tomorrow morning.”

“Don’t worry, as soon as the power is back I will call you a cab and you can run away as quickly as your legs will carry you.” You contemplate this for a moment, but realise you don’t really have much of an alternative. You weren’t exactly keen on climbing down 6 flights of stairs in minus 3 degree weather. You sigh, and nod.

“Will you help me find my phone before you get started on the candles? There’s something I need to check on.”

“Of course.” You scan around the room with the torch, but Chanyeol is the one to find your phone. As he picks it up, it lights up, and you see a message on the screen.

“Oooh, ‘Jae’. Should I be worried?” He chortles, but when you snatch the phone out his hand his smile falls slightly.

“Don’t be stupid. He’s none of your concern.”

You walk back through the apartment to the bedroom, and sit on the bed while you take your phone call.

 

-

 

When you’re back, Chanyeol has successfully lit all the candles, and is stood over the sink, doing the dishes. He hums absentmindedly, and you attempt to silently sniff in any of the mist that had formed in your eyes from your call. You tip toe across the apartment, and reach for a tea towel hung over one of the metal-framed kitchen chairs. Spinning it, you know what must be done, and that you’ll only have one chance. You bite your lip, widen your stance, and bring your arm back.

“Ow!” _Yes! Right behind the knees._ He buckles ever so slightly, and you laugh proudly.

“Yes! How does that payback taste, Mr Park?”

“Are you seriously hitting me with a tea towel right now?” Chanyeol doesn’t turn to face you, and you begin to doubt if that was the right move. You had been on the phone for almost 20 minutes, and had left things on a rather blunt note. You bring your feet together, and bite the inside of your cheek.

“Well, not this very second. Right now, I’m-hey!” He quick whips his hands out the sink, spraying water over you. You giggle, and hit him again. He shovels more water out from the tap, clearly attempting to drench you, but you luckily dodge it, the splash hitting the floor and barely dampening your ankles. Like a flash, you leant closer to hit him, before retreating. This time when he turns to attack, he’s holding a sponge. _Oh shit._ Your eye flit between the sponge and him, daring him to throw. Like watching prey, his eyes narrow and his smile turns wicked. If you run, he’ll throw. If you wait too long, he’ll pounce.

Either way you saw it, you were doomed.

You watched his face twitch slightly, and darted to the right just as the sponge took flight. It smacked against the sofa with a squelch, and you bolted to grab it before your opponent could reach it. Simultaneously, Chanyeol has gone into his cupboard for another sponge, which he quickly loads with water and hurls towards you. This one hits your stomach, and you’re fast to pick it up and throw that and the previous one in succession, hitting his shoulder and then his head. He steps forward to retaliate, when the puddle from his earlier failed attempt becomes his downfall.

Literally.

You watch as all six foot of him tumbles to the floor, and it can only be compared to watching a tree fall in a forest. With a thud, he bounces slightly when he hits the floor, and you laugh so hard you have tears in your eyes.

“Oh my god, I think I’ve grown abs!”

“Hardy har har. Come help me up, will you?”

You bend down, and his hand tightens around your wrist. “Honestly, you should have seen your fac-”

With a sharp tug, you’re falling forward, landing flush on top of him. You’d blush, but you’re too enchanted with the way his chest bounces up and down with each snicker.

“I bet it looked something like that!” In the quiet, his bellows are contagious.

You roll to the side, water soaking into your sweater, but the sound of his laugh is too perfect for you to care. As you both settle down, you suddenly mindful of the fact his hand is still around your wrist. You turn your head, and he keeps his eyes fixed on the ceiling a moment longer, his smile flattening out, eyebrows knitting together slightly. Loosening his hand slightly, you feel as his fingers weave their way down to yours, daring to intertwine. His head turns, almost checking as if this was an appropriate move.

_This is so stupid._

You roll to your side, facing him.

_You shouldn’t be doing this._

He reaches up to move a strand out hair out your eyes.

_You’re his boss._

Letting your eyes flutter shut, you lean in.

_What about-_

Before you can keep listing reasons not to, your lips meet his, and your head fills with static. You squeeze his hand, and your free hand moves around his waist. He mirrors this, and gently rocks against you, trying to mould your bodies together. Your skin tingles with the way everything lines up, your legs snaking around each other, your chest pressed against his. As his mouth moves down your neck, your chin rests on his soft hair, curling from the water on the floor.

Who cares if it’s the wrong thing? In this moment, nothing has seemed more right.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fact: this is the first smut piece i have ever written.  
> another fact: you can find me on twitter at peachywoozi and tell me what you think!  
> final fact: ive been working hard on this rather than my coursework  
> woops  
> sorry not sorry

You get to the office a little after lunch, and see Chunga stood by your receptionist’s desk, throwing her head back at a joke Somi has told her. You roll your eyes, and clear your throat as you approach.

“_____! I wasn’t sure when you’d be in today!”

“Sorry, I had…hospital visits this morning.” _Not a lie._

“You look like you spent a night in one yourself; did you sleep last night?”

“Badly.” _Also not a lie. Technically._

 

-

 

You hadn’t stayed over, despite Chanyeol’s whining: ‘It’s 3am; what harm will it do? Are you really that desperate to get away?”

You giggled at this, but nonetheless pulled your sweater over your head and headed into the bathroom to give yourself a quick once over before you departed. You heard the padding of feet following you, and in your peripheral, saw him stood in his boxers, leaning against the door frame. You smiled and smudge away the smeared mascara. In this time, he made his way behind you, arms snaking around your waist. In the crook of your neck, he nuzzled softly, which caused a hum to escape your throat, egging him on. He began pressing kisses from your shoulder up, eventually settling behind your ear, where he proceeded to circle his tongue. You’d almost fallen apart right there, given in, and let him take you back. But you couldn’t stay over – you had things you needed to deal with at home in the morning.

“Nuh-uh; not now. I need to go.”

“If you say so.” His breath was hot on your skin, and he pecked at the bruise he had left you. “But I don’t understand why.”

“I’ve told you before; I’ve got a lot going on.”

He sighed deeply, loosened his grip on you, before taking a step back altogether. You spun around, and had cupped his cheeks as he stared at the floor. Running a hand through his fringe, you tilted your head so you were in his eye line, and smiled.

“This is how it’s just got to be – if you want out, tell me now. Otherwise, it’s gotta be by my rules; okay?”

He looked up at you.

“So, this isn’t the end?” His eyes had glistened with hope, and it made your heart swell. Rather than answer, you’d leant in and kissed him, your mouth firm; certain.

He had let you go, but only with the promise you would come back soon.

 

-

 

Now, at work, Chunga tells you of office drama; you laugh when she tells that Mr Byun has shown up in the same suit he was wearing when he left the office yesterday, while Miss Kang has opted for an uncharacteristically high collared blouse. Somi laughs too, and you’re certain you see her checking out Chunga as she cranes her neck to look for the guilty culprits.

“Call me stupid, but I’m sure than Park boy is staring at you. Is he still hung up on you?”

You follow her gaze, and sure enough, you see two big brown eyes looking over at you. Yours widen, and he takes this as his cue to look away.

“Ixnay on the Anyeol-Chay…” You nod your head towards Somi, and Chunga’s hand covers her mouth, realising her mistake.

“So, Somi, what are your plans for tonight?!” What Chunga lacks in subtlety, she makes up for in effort.

As she listens intently to Miss Jeon’s response, you send a text:

**Not at the office.**

**PCY: Sorry, couldn’t help myself – you look good today.**

**Hardy har har.**

**PCY: I’m being serious. You free this eve? x**

**Sorry. Won’t be free for a couple of days now.  
Will let you know when I am.**

**PCY: Sweeeeeeet x**

 

When you zone back in, Chunga is telling Somi about an ‘amazing pizza place’.

“Seriously, I’ll take you at some point – I’ll give you my number and the second you’re hungry we’ll go.”

Somi nods enthusiastically, and as her head is down to scribble the number being read out on a scrap piece of paper, Chunga winks at you. You shake your head disapprovingly, and Chunga shrugs slightly – nothing you could say or do would stop the beaming smile she gives Somi as she receives a text from Somi the next day.

 

-

 

You’re sat in his apartment five days later, after a particularly long day at the office, mug of cocoa in your hands. Sat on the kitchen counter, Chanyeol is adjacent, stirring pasta.

“We should’ve gone out to a restaurant, or a bar, or somewhere.”

“Honestly, I like just staying in. Just being out my flat is good.”

“Next time I’ll come to yours – then you won’t need to leave super early.”

“Not in the rules, sorry. It’s yours or nowhere.”

“You’re very mysterious, you know?” He sets the spoon down, and crosses his arms.

“It’s my charm.”

“Oh? You think you’re charming me?”

You pout, and stretch out to kick his elbow lightly. He watches you with narrow eyes, daring you to repeat the action. You set down your mug, you tentatively press the other leg to his arm, holding for a second, waiting for a reaction.

There’s a pause.

He smiles.

You bite your lip.

Like lightening, he’s grabbed your ankle, and as you shake to wiggle free, you laugh. He tugs on you, and you have to grab hold of the counter to stop yourself being pulled off.

“Chanyeol! Stop stop stop! I’ll fall! Chanyeol!” Your voice becomes manic, and you kick some more, but his grip is like iron.

“Let go of me, Mr Park!” You can practically see his ears prick up. He steps forward, and your laugh becomes nervous as you take in the wicked expression on his face. His hand strokes up your calf to behind your knee, while the other thrusts your legs apart for him to step in.

Tugging you forward, so your bodies are flush, his hands travel further up, raising your arms and draping them over his shoulders, before returning to rest on your thighs. You lock your ankles behind his back, pressing them into the base of his spine. You lean forward, til your lips are millimetres apart, but like opposite ends of a magnet you both move away just as the other gets too close. It’s all a game – who will give in first, who wants it more. Your mouth is open, barely, when he speaks into you.

“Say it again.”

His voice is deep; husky and quiet, and it sends a shiver down your spine. If his voice is dark and thick, you make sure yours is the definition of soft as you whisper:

“Let me go...Mr Park.”

With a squeeze of your thigh, his lips crash into yours, and you’d be shocked if you weren't so eager. You nip at his tongue, and in return get another squeeze. You taste blood, and you’re not 100% sure if it’s his or yours, but you love it.

His hands make their way up under your shirt. Finding your bra, he slips his fingers under, stretching out the elastic. He lets go with a ‘twang’, and you flinch slightly, revelling in the sting. A hand makes its way into his hair, and your nails drag along his scalp, earning you a satisfied moan. The hands move forward, and cup you through your bra, squeezing in time with the gentle rocking motion you’ve set as you rub against him. Your rhythm falters only momentarily, when he leans back slightly and nods upwards, to which you raise your arms and allow your shirt to be pulled off. He pulls his shirt off too, before flattening himself against you once more. The exposed skin feels so good against yours, you run your fingers down his back while he mouths at your neck. Everything slows slightly, and while it’s good, you’re not ready for everything to stop just yet. You put your hands in the back pockets of his jeans, and sharply push down, hoping for your hint to be understood. With that, he reaches for his zipper, still not taking his lips away from your skin, and steps out of his jeans. Before he has the chance to step back into you completely, you run a hand down his stomach, and smooth your hand over his boxers, palming roughly. The sudden touch has his sharply breathe in, sucking against you and promising another stain on your skin. Pleased with the response, you move up to the waistband, and teasingly run one finger under the elastic. His mouth stills on your neck, like he daren’t make any action that might distract you from your mission.

At a glacial pace, you slide down, and as you reach your half-hard target and grasp on, his breathing hitches once more. Slowly, ever so slowly, you move your hand forward and backwards, only once.

There’s a lack of response, which concerns you a little, so you look down to try and read his expression, and loosen your touch. A hand grabs your wrist, his hot breath rattling on your skin.

“Did I say stop?” The way his voice feels strained, just from a gentle touch, is like nothing you’ve known, and encourages you to tighten again. You begin pumping him, feeling him harden completely as you run a thumb over his slit and a few drops of precum leak out. Speeding up, his lips sloppily drag down your neck to your shoulder with a moan, much louder than before.

It only takes a matter of minutes before you feel it – he’s on the edge, ready to tumble over any second. With your free hand, you reach for the side of his head, and jerk his face to yours, noses pressed together as you stare into his eyes, pupils dilated and mouth slightly open.

“Come for me, Mr Park.”

He lets out a strangled breath, and you whisper.

“Please…sir.”

Paired with your sharp actions, he erupts, soaking the fabric of his boxers as well as coating your hand. With his head flung back and his body shaking while you slowly bring him through the aftershock, he whole thing is, for lack of a better word, hot as fuck.

You slide your hand out, hot and sticky, and bring your index to your lips. Waiting for him to lower his head back to you, so he can fully appreciate the action, you lick the remnants off your finger, before sucking with a lewd ‘pop’ as you stare him down.

His mouth twitches.

“Pity we ruined the pasta. This’ll have to do, I guess.” You lick your lips, refusing to be the first to look away.

“What, exactly, should I eat then?” He tips his head and wiggles his eyebrows at you.

The whole thing is supposed to be sexy, but as you press your lips together, the joke is too much for you.

“Well…have you tried vegan?” You shriek as he grabs hold your waist and lifts you off the counter, clinging around him and you’re both laughing as he walks you to the couch before throwing you down and getting to work.


	5. Chapter 5

“What is it?”

“Hmm?”

You feel a delicate tap on the base of your back, just above your left hip. Though the pain has long passed, you flinch away anyway.

“Nothing. From when I was a kid.” You were waiting for him to fall asleep, so you could dress yourself and leave like always, but every time you thought he’d drifted he would clear his throat; check his phone; go to pee.

“Kidney trouble?”

“Something like that.”

“Quite a scar - was it serious?”

You roll over to face him, the only light being the moonlight peeking through the blinds.

“Not for me. Aren’t you tired, Chanyeol?”

“Nope. You?”

Sitting up, you lean across him to turn on the lamp beside him.

“It’s nearly 1am. What’s going on?”

“I just...” he sits up, and rubs his eyes. “We’ve been doing this for a month now, and I thought I’d get over it, but I’m not. I know we have these ‘rules’, but I just figured…I don’t know. If I wasn’t asleep, you wouldn’t be able to sneak off.”

“Chan…”

“It’s just hard not to feel a little…used, you know? Is that lame?”

Guilt has you gnawing at the inside of your cheek.

“You’ve gotta give me something, ________. I’m not asking for an hour-by-hour outline of your day, just something small will do.”

“I don’t…I can’t think of anything.” You hug your knees to your chest.

“How about this: we’ll make it a game. Take it in turns, 5 questions, we each have to answer.”

You ponder this, and nod. This excites Chanyeol, who bounces himself to face you, crossing his legs and smiling.

“You can go first.”

“Ermmm…What’s your favourite food?”

“Seriously?” He shakes his head, but answers anyway. “Pizza, from the deli two blocks down. You?”

“Dessert – any dessert of any kind. You go.”

“When was the last time you cried?”

“Man, you don’t mess around.” He shrugs, looking proud. “Erm, maybe a couple of months ago, you?”

“Why?”

“Nu-uh, you only wanted to know when. You’ll have to use another question.”

“Such a stickler for the rules.” You stick your tongue out. “Last time I cried was…last week. Why did you cry?”

“No chance; my turn! Where do you want to travel?”

You learnt Chanyeol wants to go to Europe, but he doesn’t care where. He then offered to take you to your dream destination – Sydney. When it was his turn, you expected to have to answer the crying question, but instead he asked why you were friends with Chunga. You told him about how things were at college – you two were roommates, and then you house shared, and then you were both wanting to work in the city and she was the only one you trusted with your business plan – your own pharmaceutical company. You found out about Mina, Chanyeol’s old roommate, who was working in Syrian hospitals for a year with her boyfriend. You two discuss topics from embarrassing moments in college, to which celebrity you would love to meet.

“Okay, this is your last question, so make it count.”

“Hmmm…” You stare at the ceiling, and weigh up your options.

“Why did you want to study medicine?”

This was a question that gets asked in interviews and gets answered in job applications, so you were expecting an answer to roll off his tongue with ease, but his eyebrows knit together as he puts genuine thought into it. What had been light-hearted suddenly felt weighted. You begin to regret asking when he finally speaks again.

“My mom…she was going to be a GP when she got pregnant with me. During the pregnancy, my dad worked two jobs to keep enough food on the table. But my mom had anaemia – undiagnosed, so when they took her to the hospital during labour, the doctors didn’t know what was going on. She wouldn’t stop bleeding. She nearly died when I was born.” He looks up, and blinks hard. You lean over, and wipe away a single tear from his cheek with your thumb. He smiles, and holds onto your hand, bringing it away from his face to let himself stare at the mattress.

“But throughout her life, it felt like she had been given bad luck because she didn’t become a doctor. Even after all the medical bills were paid, we couldn’t afford much. Then my dad left us, and she had to go back to work to put me through school. I couldn’t throw that away: she had given up everything, just for me to live. It was my responsibility to make it something she would be proud of.”

His thumb strokes over your knuckles, before sniffing hard and finally raising his head.

“How about you? Why are you running this big ole company?”

“Same kind of thing really – my family had always had bad luck with health, but living in the middle of nowhere made everything a little bit more difficult than it needed to be. So, when I went to college, everyone moved in-state. It was a double-edged sword though; they moved to the city to be closer to the medical facilities, but the environment wasn’t exactly ‘healing’. The way I saw it, if I could find a way to make people better while bringing in enough money, I could buy my parents a house in the suburbs eventually, so they could commute in and out when necessary…not that that’s a concern anymore.”

“Sorry, I forgot.”

“It’s fine – they were always trying to do what was best for us; for everyone they could. It’s funny - they were driving back from getting their platelets checked when a truck jack-knifed, but it runs out neither of them were a match anyway. Such a wasted trip.”

He squeezes your hand, and it grounds you a little – it’s been weeks since you’d thought about your parent’s accident, but whenever you dive down that rabbit hole it’s often hard to climb back out safely.

“It just sucks, you know? You could be the most amazing, fantastic person in the world, but you still get hit by a truck. You’re the most capable parents in the world; woops, sorry. Your kid has got cancer. Everything’s always so damn…messy.” You sniff, and before you can register he’s moved, Chanyeol’s holding a tissue box out to you. You laugh a little, and dab at your eyes.

“Ugh, this is lame. Sorry, this was my question and everything.”

“Maybe you secretly wanted to get it all out.”

“I don’t really talk about my parents to people. Other than Somi, and possibly Chunga, you’re the only one who knows they died.”

His legs uncross, and you scoot into the space he has created. You lean your head against his chest, and can hear the steady rhythm thumping away.

“Why am I telling you all of this again?”

“It’s a game, and you’re a stickler for the rules.”

You laugh, and peel yourself off him, your tears having acted as an adhesive.

“Rules say you have one more question, before I really do need to head home.”

The question rolls off his tongue.

“Why can’t you stay over?”

You blink at him.

You’re not sure if this is supposed to count as his question, or if this was a general enquiry, but the entire night has made you feel a lot more ‘honest’ than normal.

“I need to check on someone. They only got out of hospital the other day. Normally, I come here from the hospital, and when I leave I go home or back to the hospital.”

“Is that who calls you?”

You nod.

“You’re very good. Not just at your job, but as a person. Not many other doctors would do that, let alone a medical rep.”

_Ah. He thinks it’s a patient._

_Never mind. It’s probably better that way._

“Do I have permission to go then?”

“I feel like it’d be wrong of me to say no, really.” He kisses your forehead, before releasing you so you can collect your clothes.

Chanyeol walks you to the door, before quickly dashing back to the bedroom. He returns with a sweater in hand, and you scowl at him.

“I’m perfectly capable of walking down the stairs to the cab by myself.”

“Don’t worry; it’s WAY too cold for me to want to come outside. Screw being a gentleman – I can’t afford pneumonia right now.” He holds the sweater out. “You, however, insist on leaving. At least stay warm, okay?”

You hold your hand out to collect, and laugh as you get lost in the huge amount of fabric over your head. Eventually making your way out, your face pops out to see him grinning at you. He pulls the hood up over your head.

“Adorable.”

He kisses your nose, and opens the door.

“Now scoot! Go make someone else’s life amazing.” With a firm ass-pat, the door was shut, and you can’t shake the guilt as you go down the stairs and climb in the cab.

You read your texts.

**J: Will you buy some milk? We ran out xxx**

**J: Are you coming home soon? I miss you xxx**

**J: Going to sleep. Love you to the moon xxx**

Just as you’re about to reply, your phone vibrates again.

**PCY: You’re awesome. Thanks for tonight :) xx**

The knot in your stomach tightens. You select both the message threads, and hit ‘reply all’.

**I love you x**

When you get home, you haven’t had any responses. You kick your shoes off, and change out of your clothes. You are careful as you open the door and sneak into the bedroom, the lump under the covers slowly moving up and down. You get in the empty side, and stroke his hair as he stirs slightly.

_This is bad._

_Really, really, bad._


	6. Chapter 6

You sit with Chunga on Friday evening, a small flask being passed between the two of you.

“So, where are you taking her?”

“That new noodle bar on fifth, I was thinking? Or maybe the ramen place that just opened up.”

“Well you’d better decide soon – you’ve only got an hour!”

“I’m aware – that’s why we are predrinking in the office.” She passes the flask to you again. “We need to get you some one. A date, a dick, whatever you want – I’ll hook you up!”

“I’m doing just fine, thank you.” You tip the flask towards her, before finishing the contents. “I’ll tell you a secret…I’ve got enough men in my life; I don’t need anyone else trying to worm their way into my life.”

“WHAT?! Who?”

You press a finger to your lips and wink.

“How many is ‘enough’ though, really?” You cackle at her. “Men aren’t going to satisfy you – you know who would? Jeon Somi!”

“You saying I should take her off you?”

“Oh, my god no!” Her mouth drops open, and she playful hits your knee. “But for reals, I’m glad you’ve got something going on. I know things have been shitty recently, so here’s to us!” She reaches for the flask, but realises it’s empty. Instead, she holds out her fist.

You narrow your eyes at her, before bumping yours against hers.

“What’re you doing tonight then? Meeting with one of these mystery men?”

“As a matter of fact, I have a fun evening booked – go home, put on my sweats, go get my blood taken!”

“Oooooooh! ________’s gone wild!”

“You know it!”

Somi knocks on your office door, her cheeks flushing when she sees Chunga sitting there.

“Erm, Miss _______, you have a call waiting for you. He says it’s urgent – the call is coming from your home number?”

Your eyes bulge.

“Chunga, out. Somi, put it through.”

“What?” She laughs a little, like you’re kidding. You’re not.

“Out, out, out!” You shoo her away, and throw her shoes out behind her. You dash to the phone to take the call.

_You’re supposed to be seeing him tonight._

_He never rings you at work._

_What’s gone wrong?_

­-

 

It’s 2am. The thought of going home makes you feel sick. You call Chunga, but when she picks up you can hear giggling in the background and realise she’s still on her date. You hear Somi slurring behind the phone, and immediately hang up.

You know it’s a bad idea.

You know this is the worst time to call him.

You know that right now, you don’t care.

“Hello?”

“Sorry, did I wake you?”

“No, who would be sleeping at…ten past two in the morning?”

“God, I’m so sorry.”

You sniff. Hard.

“It’s fine. Are you crying?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

There’s a pause on the phone. You don’t know how to proceed.

 “You want me to come over?”

“God no. I was wondering…I just…Chunga was out, and I can’t go home right now…”

“Come here.”

Another sniff.

“Would that be alright?”

“Of course. I’ll leave the door on the latch.”

 

-

 

When you get there, the apartment is dark, except for the TV flickering. You call out, and hear movement in the bedroom. You tread lightly as you navigate through the darkness until you reach the back room. Chanyeol is sitting on the edge of the bed, phone in hand. When he sees you, his eyes light up momentarily, until he sees the stains on your cheeks, the mist still in your eyes. Your lip quivers, and you hover in the door well.

_This was a mistake. This was a mistake. This was a mistake._

He stands, and in two steps has wrapped his arms around you. You breathe deeply, and you crack. You say nothing, just feel yourself crumble to the floor. The arms never let go of you, as the weight of everything threatens to spill out. You find it funny; if not for him holding you together, you might tell him everything. But as he keeps you grounded, you eventually calm yourself, and can compose yourself.

“You know what you need?”

“A lobotomy?”

“A bath.”

You sit on the toilet, knees pressed together, hands in your lap, as you watch him turn the taps and the water fills the tub.

“I’ll just leave you to it…I’ll be just outside if you need anything.”

Your hand darts out.

“Could you…would you stay?”

He looks a little startled by your request, but nods and squeezes your hand.

Lowering yourself into the tub, you cuss at how needy you’re being. If the words could form, you would tell the truth, but that would bring all of this crashing down.

For now, you just wanted things to be okay.

He props himself against the bathtub, picking at a bit of enamel that’s peeling away. Your hand covers his, and he stops, looking up.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

You shake your head.

“I saw you, when you left the office. I wasn’t sure it was my place to ask. I didn’t want to smother you or anything.”

“Thanks.”

“Did you mean it? Your text the other day?”

“Which one?”

“After the last time you stayed over. Where you said…”

“’I love you’?” He ducks his head back to stare at the flaking paint. “Yes, I did.” He grins, and looks up at you.

“Cool. I mean, me too. I…yeah.”

You lean over the tub and kiss him, ruffling his hair as you lean back into the water. When your fingers begin to prune and the water gets a little cold, you stand up, and Chanyeol goes to find you something to wear that offers a better option that the work blouse and skirt you’d spent the past 20 hours in. He returns with a black hoodie and a pair of white boxers. He offers to help you – you step into the boxers, and raise your arms above your head as he pulls the sweater down. Using one hand to smooth out the fabric, the other sits on your lower back, and guides you to sit on the edge of the bed.

“Do you…will you need to leave tonight?”

You shake your head, and he can’t stop the corners of his mouth turning up slightly. Another stroke of your head, and he presses a delicate kiss to your forehead.

“I won’t keep asking, but are you sure you don’t want to talk about anything?”

“I just…I can’t right now.”

“That’s fine. I’ll be here if you change your mind.”

“Not if I tell you, though.”

“Huh?”

“Nothing. Do you mind if we sleep soon? I have to be up early tomorrow.”

“Of course not.”

You shuffle back, while Chanyeol turns out the lights. You feel the mattress dip as he lies down, and arms make their way around your waist, securing you against him.

“You really love me, right?”

You hate how vulnerable your voice sounds.

“I do.”

“Just checking. I’ve never had a guy say he loves me before.”

“That seems unlikely.”

“It’s true. Just family members and friends.”

“I can say it properly if it makes you feel better.”

“No, that’s okay.” You laugh, and nestle into his hold. “Thank you for all of this, Chanyeol.”

“Eh, it was nothing.”

You fall asleep first, the sound of his breathing acting as white noise to calm your racing mind.

 

-

You’re barely awake, sunlight sneaking through the crack in the blinds. You feel warm breath against your skin, and an arm firmly around your waist. Fingers play on your skin like keys on a piano, softly, without intention. This, put simply, is bliss.

Except, it’s not.

“What time is it? Chanyeol, get up. What time is it?” You shuffle forward in bed, before sitting on the edge, rubbing your eyes.

“Good morning to you too.”

“Now isn’t the time to be cute. Where did I leave my phone?” You’re up, and you attempt to silence the panicked voice in the back of your head. _The sun is up. You’re late. You shouldn’t have slept over. You shouldn’t have come over at all._

“Relax, will you? It’s 7.30.”

“Really?”

“Really.” He holds up a clock, proving himself right.

“Ah, thank goodness.” You return to the bed, sitting down and rubbing your temple. _If I get changed now, I can quickly go back to my apartment before I go back…_

“I need to get going soon.” You gather your clothes from last night, and more importantly, your phone.

_No new messages. He’s probably not awake yet._

“Am I allowed to ask where it is that needs your presence before 9am on a Saturday?”

“I’d rather you didn’t.”

“Figures.” He throws the covers off, and walks to the bathroom.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You follow him, and see him bent over the sink rinsing his face.

“Nothing.”

“That’s crap – say what you wanna say, Chan.”

“I don’t want to push you, but you’re starting to give me whiplash with all of these mood swings. You show up, you want me to stay with you, you finally stay the night – it feels like that was all some weird dream and you’re back to being cold and distant.”

“‘Mood swings’? This isn’t a new thing – I’ve said from day one that I don’t do that vulnerable, emotional bullshit. You said you were fine with it.”

“Yet you show up here at 2am crying like a baby!”

“I asked you if I could come over – you said it was fine!”

“I wasn’t going to turn you away! You were crying for fuck’s sake!” He takes a second to calm himself, his voice tainted with anger. “I was just hoping once you’d calmed down you might be able to give me at least a half decent reason for it all. Apparently, I’m not even worth a lie though.”

“Are you kidding me? I’m not doing this right now – I have places to be.” You head back into the bedroom, and pull off the sweater, replacing it with your blouse from the night before.

“Just another thing in your life you won’t tell me about.” Chanyeol follows, and you throw the clothes he leant you at him.

Just as you’re about to throw another snide comment his way, you hear your phone vibrating somewhere in the room.

“Shit, where is that?” You crouch to look under the bed, but find nothing. When you rise, Chanyeol has the device in his hand.

“‘Mark Tuan’– it’s a bit early for a business call. Is this who you’re running off to?”

“Give it here, Chanyeol.” You tug hard, but his grip is like iron.

 “He the reason you ran out of the office yesterday? What, booty call gone wrong, or is this bigger than that?”

The call goes to answer phone, and you cuss under your breath. Chanyeol scoffs.

“Tell me there’s not another guy then.”

“For all my secrets, that isn’t one of them. Adultery is far too… _complicated_ for me.”

“How can I believe you? Is anything you’ve said to me real at this point?”

“Why would I lie to you? I told you I loved you, remember?”

“I’m not sure you even know what that means – if you loved me, you’d be honest with me.”

“I have been more honest with you, than anyone. If this is what I get for that, then fuck it. I don’t need this right now.”

The phone starts to ring again.

“Better take that.”

Your stomach is in knots. _This isn’t how things are supposed to be._ You look at him with pleading eyes, wishing this argument would just disintegrate. Unfortunately, his face is like stone. And your main priority is currently trying to call you.

“I really need to go. But this isn’t over.”

“You’re the boss.”

At that, you slam the door behind you.

 

-

 

Against your better instinct, you spend a lot of the day checking your phone. When it gets to lunch, and you’ve still heard nothing, you accept defeat.

_Stupid girl. What did you expect?_

-

 

You go back to your apartment around 7pm, only wanting to grab some essentials before you head back out, when there’s a buzz of the intercom. You’re not in the mood to deal with salesmen or religious folk, so you ignore it as you grab a new toothbrush out of the cabinet. A brand-new toothpaste and deodorant can gets thrown in your backpack as well. Who knew when you’d be back? When you could come back and sleep comfortably here. Scooping up an armful of laundry you’d left out to fold, you dump it all in the open gym bag on your bed.

A grey hoodie catches your eye, and your hand lingers. Against better judgement, you pull the garment over your head and breathe him in. His presence had been so calming last night. You try to clutch to the memory – the feeling of his fingers intertwined with yours, the way his snores had warmed the back of your neck, the twinkle in his eye as he smiled at you. But the memory keeps getting corrupted – the smile turns sour as he calls you out for your ‘mood swings’. The fingers are tightly clutching your phone. The hairs on the back of your neck stand up when he asks you about ‘Mark Tuan’…

The intercom buzzes again.

_I don’t have time for this. I need to get out of here._

Zipping up the bag, you sling it over your shoulder and march down the stairs of your building. When you get to the lobby, you freeze. In the entrance, huddled in the stoop to avoid the rain, is Mr Tall and Smiley himself.

_How is he here?_

_How has he found your building?_

_How am I going to get out of this apartment now?!_

You don’t have much time to come up with an escape route; he turns to ring the intercom once again when his eyes catch you. Mouth hanging open, you can only stare at him as he gestures to the door, begging to be let in.

You walk over, but stop short of the handle. You look up, and see him staring down at you with…concern. Worry, even.

“What are you doing here?” You call through the door.

"Is that my sweater?"

"I asked first."

“I got the address from your receptionist. Well, her desk. She leaves mail all over the place.”

“But WHY are you here?”

“Can we do this inside? It’s pouring.”

“I need to go, Chanyeol. I can’t stay here.”

“I know who Mark Tuan is.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> now we're getting to the drama....
> 
> hope everyone is enjoying this so far! please leave kudos/comments/share this about and let me know what you think!
> 
> you can also find me on twitter @peachywoozi :)

“I know who Mark Tuan is.”

Your hand twitches at his words.

This is it. Your secret’s out.

Sort of.

“I recognised the name, so I looked him up. Dr Mark Tuan; head oncologist and expert in experimental treatments at North West General Hospital. We’ve used his case studies at Princeton.”

With one hand on the strap of your gym bag, the other opens the door. Rather than let him in, however, you step out into the rain.

“My ride’s over there. Do you want to…to come with me?”

He nods once, so you grab his hand and dart out into the cold.

Once safely inside the cab, silence falls. You can practically hear the cogs in his brain trying to work out what to say next. _This is bad. This is so, so bad._

“If you’re sick, you-”

“I’m not.”

Your words bite at the silence.

“Okay…”

The doubt in his voice is patronising. _He probably thinks this is another thing I’m lying about._

“Then, if you and Tuan have something going on – sex, love, a secret marriage with kids and a dog – I’d rather you just told me so I can get out of the car.”

“We don’t. Tuan is my doctor.”

“But you said you’re not sick.”

“I’m not.”

He leans back in his seat, and you’re aware you’re being difficult. But then again, he was never supposed to find any of this out, so why shouldn’t you be a little pissed? Make things a little confusing for him?

“My sweater looks good on you.”

You bite your lip at his compliment, even if his voice has a tinge of annoyance to it. At least the air softens in the cab a little. You put a hand on his bouncing knee; your attempt at an olive branch. The bouncing stops. A hand covers yours. _Whatever happens next, let it be okay now._

The cab pulls up at North West’s visitor bay, and you hand the driver a twenty and get out. Chanyeol sprints around the car to catch up, but you only look straight forward. Walking over to the reception, Chanyeol’s wet sneakers squeak on the waxed floor.

“Room 287, please Sohye.”

“It’s after hours, _______. You know the rules – family only.”

You know she’s referring to Chanyeol; you’ve been here enough the past you and the receptionist were on first name basis. You’d bought her coffee when you’d made a Starbucks run, and she’d given you an extra pillow when you’d had to stay the night.

“He’s my cousin.”

She raises an eyebrow, but hands over the visitor form nonetheless. You check yourself in, and hold out the pen for Chanyeol to sign his name next to yours. Once that’s sorted, you navigate the hospital corridors with an air of experience; after all, you come here a lot. For work, and for him.

When you reach the room, you pause outside.

“I haven’t told people about this, so it goes without saying, but don’t tell anyone at the office.”

“Who are we visiting?”

“His name’s Jae. He might be confused; I haven’t brought visitors before. Please, just be nice. And do not” Your eyes are sharp as you emphasise, doing everything you can to make sure he fully understands your demand “Tell him about us. Don’t make any hints or gestures or jokes. He’s been through a lot; he doesn’t need this right now.”

You turn to open the door, adrenaline threatening to make you vomit.

“And remember; I do love you, okay? That’s why you’re here.” You don’t look at him, open the door and plaster a smile on your face.

“Hey babe! I’ve brought some things from home!”

“__________!”

In front of you, attached to an IV and a breathing tube, sits your secret, playing on his DS. You pull the stool over to his bed, and grab hold of the tiny hand that doesn’t have a cannula in.

“_____, someone’s followed you.” A hand cups his mouth, though his whispers are audible across the room.

“Jae, this is Chanyeol. He’s my friend from the office – he really wanted to meet you.”

“Is he a medicine man too?”

“Yes, he is, but don’t worry sweetie; he’s not gonna do any tests.” You finally acknowledge Chanyeol, who has only taken a few steps into the room, eyebrows knitted in confusion. You nod your head towards the chair beside you, and he awkwardly shuffles his way beside you.

“Now, I’ve brought the next two of Harry Potter books for you, but Dr Tuan says you shouldn’t need to be here for more than a couple days to recover, then we’ll be able to have you back home.”

“Did you get Pokémon Moon?”

“Yep, as well as an extra change of PJ’s.”

“Do you like Pokémon, Chanyeol?”

You cast a glance to Chanyeol, who still looks a little flustered, but nods.

“I…I love it! Did you, erm, ever play Pokémon Go?”

“I tried! There’s not a lot of Pokémon in the hospital, and _______ won’t let me go exploring outside.”

“Excuse me, I said we could – you just didn’t want to be seen with me.”

“It’s embarrassing; no one else’s sister follows them everywhere.”

 “Well that’s because not everyone is using their sister’s phone!”

At the mention of ‘sister’, you see a lightbulb go off beside you. Maybe you should have said more before you two came here after all.

“If I had my own iPhone, I wouldn’t need to. The one you got me has ‘Snake’ on it. That’s it!”

“What, exactly, is a 6-year-old going to do with an iPhone?”

“Play Pokémon Go! Can I go with Chanyeol when I get home at least?”

Your mouth hangs open, and you look between the two.

“Oh, I don’t know about that…”

“That’d be awesome, Jae!” His voice is bright, and you do a double take to make sure it is the man beside you speaking. The uncertainty seems to have dissolved, and though his tone reminds you slightly of your ‘patient voice’, you’re just glad he’s not yelling at you for lying. Yet. “Though, first your sister is gonna have to give me some time off from work; she’s really strict, you know.”

“Tell me about it.” Jae rubs his eyes, and yawns slightly.

“You getting tired, sweetie?”

“Nah, just trying to get more oxygen.” You laugh, and Chanyeol chuckles slightly too.

“How about I go borrow a couple of mugs from Sohye and see if we can use the kettle for some hot chocolate then?”

“Get three – do you like hot chocolate?” The amount of conversation going on between the two surprises you, but the smile on Jae’s face makes your heart swell.

“Of course; who doesn’t?”

“Well, it’s decided then! Me and Chanyeol will go get some hot chocolate, you can get started on one of those books – the Goblet of Fire looks like a long one!”

You rise, and Chanyeol follows, the pair of you marching out of the room. Carefully, you close the door behind you and turn to face him, teeth digging into your bottom lip.

“So…you have a brother?”

“Yep.”

“And Dr Tuan is his doctor?”

You nod, and tug on his sleeve to gesture you two walk rather than hover outside the door. You watch his face as he ponders this new information, and you’re not sure how to proceed.

“Are you mad?”

The question slips out before you can stop yourself. You wince at the vulnerability in your voice. But right now, you were the most exposed you’d ever been. It was hard not to sound a little…weak.

“Don’t be stupid. Why would I be mad?”

“The lying, the sneaking around, the lack of trust…” Your voice trails off, and you regret answering in such detail. However, Chanyeol just laughs with a scoff, comforting you a little. This dies down as his face turns serious.

“What’s the diagnosis?”

You breathe deeply.

“AML. Stage 3. He’s been in and out of hospital since he was two – first time round, they just gave him chemo and removed the tumours. Second time, he needed a kidney. Most recently, it was bone marrow. That’s when my parents, erm, got into their accident. He’s been living with me ever since.”

“That’s what the emergency was yesterday?”

“He’s got issues with his blood – there was a clot, and he couldn’t move his leg. He’s clotting a lot at the moment; debris floating around his blood stream.”

“Debris?”

“Teeny, tiny tumours that thought trying to wreck his organs wasn’t good enough.” You reach Sohye’s desk, and your voice perks up. “Three mugs please, hun.”

“You need me to grab you an extra set of pillows? We’ve got a spare camp bed, if your…cousin is staying the night.”

“Don’t worry about it, we’re just checking in. I’ll come back with these when we’re done.”

“They changed the code to the doctors longue. It’s B-1-A-4 now.”

“Can I grab you anything?”

“Another four pairs of hands? I’ve got enough paper work to sink a battleship.”

“Once he’s asleep, I’ll see if I can come help. File, at least.”

Sohye winks at you, before turning back to her stack of papers. The doctors lounge is just beyond the reception, and once inside you boil the kettle, grabbing a tub of hot chocolate powder from one of the cupboards – the combination of work visits and personal visits meant you’d taken to hiding a few bits and pieces around wherever was convenient. Chanyeol leans against the counter while you set the mugs down and distribute the cocoa equally.

“They’re wanting to do another round of chemo, but we need something more effective than the last batch – I’m trying to get our company to distribute some of the new formulas we just signed on to in this hospital, but people don’t wanna work with relatives of patients it seems.

 “You wouldn’t need to be the rep here though; someone from the office could check in and handle all the contracts.”

“That would require a lot more explaining than I’m currently willing to do.”

“You haven’t told anyone at the office at all about him?”

“How could I? I don’t need people questioning my judgement – ‘oh, does she really know what’s best? Isn’t it too close to home? Maybe she shouldn’t be in charge right now.’ As far as I see, it’s no one’s business but my own.”

“There’s gotta be someone else; aunts or uncles, or even Chunga you can get to help out and talk to about this?”

“Nope. No one; just me. I’m not bringing people like Chunga into this – he’s my responsibility.”

You pause, and reconsider your phrasing.

“He’s…he’s all I’ve got.”

There it was. The cold, cruel reality. Your priority, your focus, the reason you get up at 6am every day. Jae wasn’t just someone who needed you. He’s all you have left.

You pour the water into the kettle, and begin frantically stirring the drinks.

“Speaking of, we shouldn’t keep him waiting. He’s probably falling asleep; I don’t wanna have to wake him up to get him to brush his teeth.” You hold out a mug for Chanyeol to carry, and hold the other two in one hand, opening the door with the other.

“Besides, it’s all been working out so far. I have a babysitter that looks after him on evenings I need to stay at work, if he’s not staying in hospital. I mean, the night I met you he was here, but whenever I’ve left your apartment it’s been when the babysitter has had to leave – he’s never alone for long.”

“This explains why you never let me stay at yours.” He says it with a chuckle, and it’s hard not to be taken back by how casual his voice is.

“Well I mean, he sleeps in my bed – if you’re fine with a 6-year-old between us, or sleeping on the couch, then you’re more than welcome to crash.” He laughs louder at this. “But seriously, this is why I didn’t want you to get involved at all. I didn’t want to drag anyone into this…to make anyone else’s life as complicated.”

“But you just couldn’t resist me.” He wiggles his eyebrows, and you scoff, pausing in front of Jae’s room.

“Clearly.” You roll your eyebrows, and Chanyeol opens the door for you. Jae’s eyes shoot up from the book, and a huge grin spreads across his face.

“I was worried you’d got lost.”

“Never; 3 cups just take more time to make than two.” You hand him the cup, and sit back down beside him. Chanyeol returns to your side, and he picks up the book resting on the bed in front of him.

“Oooh, Prisoner of Azkaban. This one’s my favourite. Have you seen the films?”

“I’m not allowed to until I’ve read the books.” He blows across the mug. “______ says it’ll spoil things. She has a rule: you need to read the book before you watch the film.”

“She’s a stickler for the rules, isn’t she?” He throws you a side glance, and you nearly choke on your cocoa.

You spend the next half an hour like this, watching the two joke and laugh, every now and then trying to participate in conversation but for the most part just allowing them to enjoy each other’s company. You can’t imagine anyone hitting it off better with Jae if you’d tried, and you feel a little regretful that you haven’t been able to bring many other people to visit him.

As the clock passes the next hour, Jae begins to depress. His eyes droop slightly, and his words become quieter. You disconnect him from his tethers, and walk him to the bathroom to change him into the PJ’s you brought with you. He holds out his toothbrush to you, and you squeeze paste onto it, before repeating the process with a toothbrush of your own. Even if this wasn’t the end of the night for you, he had settled into a routine of you two brushing your teeth together; anything to make the sterile setting feel a little more ‘homely’. As you begin to clean, you notice him staring down.

“What’s up, kid? You’ve gotta brush your teeth, otherwise we won’t have hot chocolate again at hospital.”

“Do you have another big toothbrush?”

“We’ve tried this – unfortunately, your mouth is too small for one of mine.”

“Can Chanyeol brush his teeth too?”

You furrow your eyebrows at him, looking sceptical. You hand him a new toothbrush from the counter, but don’t let go of it immediately.

“You’re a bit weird, you know that?”

“Duh – you’re my sister!” Your mouth drops, and a small amount of toothpaste drips onto your sweater. Jae takes this as his chance to snatch the brush and dart out, before returning shortly with Chanyeol in tow. He tugs him towards the sink, and you offer him some toothpaste.

Staring in the mirror, you watch as Jae grimaces at his reflection. You giggle at the sight of him, before looking up and seeing Chanyeol staring at you with soft eyes. You feel yourself blush, and look straight ahead, focusing only on yourself. When each of you are done, you walk Jae back to bed, lifting him onto the bed and plugging him back in. Chanyeol holds the duvet back for him to settle down, and you smile as you tuck him in. Brushing a hand over his fluffy hair, you inhale deeply.

“I’ll be back in just a minute; Chanyeol said he’d help Sohye with some of her files, so I’m gonna show him where to go then I’ll come sort you out properly, okay?”

“Chanyeol…leaving?” The question is interrupted by a yawn and you titter.

“He had to eventually, babe.”

“Will you come back?”

“Of course,” Chanyeol’s voice is soft, and he leans towards Jae as he speaks. “We’re gonna play Pokémon Go, remember?”

“Awesome.”

Shutting the door behind you with a faint ‘click’ of the latch, you speak in hushed tones.

“He’ll be asleep in 10 minutes; 20 tops. If you need to go, I get that. If not, there’s a couple of couches by Sohye’s desk and I’ll come meet you there?”

You get an eager nod as a response, and you press your lips together to stop them spreading wide. You mouth ‘thank you’, before returning to the tiny, sleepy boy nestling in the pillows. You scoot him over, and rest yourself beside him, one arm reaching behind him so his head is resting on your chest. Tenderly, you stroke the ends of his hair, and plant a kiss on his crown. With your cheek on top of his head, you let your eyes close as you ponder what your next move is.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i like to mix fluff and comfort with angst and misery to really mess with your head....sorry
> 
> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE KUDOS AND COMMENTS! IT HONESTLY MAKES MY DAY SO MUCH BETTER I SMILE EVERY TIME I READ SOMETHING FROM ONE OF YOU GUYS, THANK YOU FOR KEEPING WITH THIS LIL FIC OF MINE!
> 
> come shout at me on @peachywoozi for less high quality content than this

Your eyes shoot open as Sohye gently shakes you. _Crap._ You don’t know how long you’d been asleep, but it’s definitely longer than 20 minutes. You’re careful not to wake the sleeping boy in your arms as you shimmy your way off the bed, and rubbing your eyes step out into the corridor.

Checking your phone, the clock reads 10.07pm. _Crap._ When were you gonna talk to Chanyeol now? _He must’ve gone home at least an hour ago._ You follow Sohye back to her desk, asking if she still needs help with her files, when you’re stopped in your tracks.

Sitting behind the reception, sleeves rolled up and head down, Chanyeol scribbles on a stack of papers in front of him. You cock your head to one side, and he becomes aware of your presence.

“Hey, Sleeping Beauty. Feel better after that power nap?”

“What are you doing here still?”

“What I was told to – I’m helping Miss Kim with these files.”

“But…”

“Your ‘cousin’ here really knows his stuff. He’s been writing nonstop since he sat down.” Sohye returns to her seat next to him, and hands you the file in front of her. “Even suggested an alternative care plan for a couple of the kids with nausea and headaches.”

Flipping through the pages, you marvel at the thorough detail in the completed documents before you.

“Can I pinch him for just a couple of minutes?”

“Of course; my work load has already been halfed for this evening – I might get to watch an episode of ‘Next Top Model’ at this rate!”

Perching on the couches, you wring your hands in your lap. Chanyeol’s quick to notice, and his hands envelope yours.

“Listen…”

“It was just paper work, nothing more, nothing less!” He laughs, and you bite your lip. “Oh god, am I being dumped?”

“No, don’t be stupid. I just…I wanted to give you a chance. To get out now, if you wanted.”

“What do you mean?”

“I can’t imagine anyone having gotten on better with Jae if they tried, but this doesn’t have to be your responsibility. I wouldn’t want the fact you’ve met him to change anything – this might be a bit much to handle, and you don’t owe either of us anything.”

“Are you kidding? He’s a great kid, and you’re both in a shitty situation, but that doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

“This changes EVERYTHING, Chanyeol. Trust me, I’m living through it!” Sohye’s head pops up as your voice thunders through the reception, and you lower your head as well as the decibels when you speak next. “He’s not just my brother – I’ve got to be both his parents, and his sister, and his doctor. I’m walking around hospitals at 2am with toothpaste on my sweater and cocoa on my shoes. I know cancer: I’ve studied it, I work with it, I’m surrounded by it. I know the odds, I know the treatments, and I know they don’t mean shit half the time. I work 5 days a week as your boss, but he is my priority in all of this; 24/7, I have to be there for him. But even now, I compartmentalize these things, and keep everything at arm’s reach for when I need to deal with it. You being here, you hanging out with Jae, that changes everything.”

“It doesn’t have to though.”

“Have you been listening to anything I just said?”

“I mean, I’m not a moron; this is a huge deal, and I’m honestly so grateful you trusted me enough to bring me here-”

“I mean you did put me in a corner but that’s not relevant right now.”

“-BUT, if I can finish, I can keep things like this to myself too. I mean, I’m professional in the office, aren’t I? If you want, you and I can be a whole separate thing – I can leave here now, text you in the morning, and I won’t come back to the hospital. Won’t ever mention Jae or your parents.” He pretends to dust off his hands, and you simper before he returns his hands to yours. “At the same time, I’m more than happy to be part of this, if you wanted. If you needed someone to grab your things from the office while you sit with him, or need a ride back home, or even just want the company while you wait around. You don’t HAVE to deal with this alone, if you didn’t want to.”

You hadn’t considered that. The idea anyone might want to help…

The hospital is never quiet. The sound of doors opening and closing, the machines around beeping, Sohye’s exclamations as she watches TV on her computer screen. Constantly bustling. Unfortunately, nothing could drown out the sniff you take as you attempt to hold back the tears.

“Do I have to make a decision right now?” It’s barely a whisper, but you feel a squeeze of your hand in acknowledgement.

“Honestly, you don’t ever need to make a concrete decision. One day, you wanna just stay at mine til late then sneak off, I’ll act none the wiser. Another day, you want me to come do filing with Sohye while you wait for results, I’m down for that. No pressure.”

You wipe your cheek with the back of your hand.

“Why are you being so sensible?”

“It’s all an act. I’m actually a walking meme, this is to trick you into thinking I’m a responsible adult.”

You laugh, and rest your head on his shoulder.

“Still love me?”

“Obviously.”

 

-

 

That’s exactly how things play out. A few days later, when you take Jae home, Chanyeol carries your gym bag while you walk to the cab with Jae on your hip. He winks at you as you shut the door, but walks back to his place after. Later in the week, when Yoojung, your babysitter, agrees to stay until midnight, you two go out for a movie and a late night fast-food run. He walks you to your apartment, and with a one long, drawn out kiss leaves you to head upstairs. One evening, he comes over for dinner, and you, him and Jae go for a walk to the playpark, where Chanyeol pushing him way higher on the swings than you’d ever dare to. Jae cackles and screams to go higher, and sitting on a bench watching, you begin to think maybe things could be this easy.

Maybe things are going to be okay.

You’re at his apartment on a Thursday, three weeks after you’d brought Jae home from the hospital. Sitting on the couch, you’re both reading over case files for a new form of antibiotic that Mr Yoon had been approached about. Your feet are resting on his lap, and he mindlessly taps rhythmically along your leg as he considers what he’s reading.

“I just don’t understand why this is supposed to be any different to half the other antibiotics out there? Or am I just missing a crucial factor?” You peer through the glasses balanced at the end of your nose to question him. He shrugs and closes the file in his hands, throwing it onto the coffee table.

“No, I don’t think it’s worth your time, honestly. It seems exactly the same as Floxapen and Staphcillin.”

“So, I should tell Yoon to shove it up his arse tomorrow?”

“Ermmm, maybe better phrasing?” He laughs, and taps your feet as he attempts to stand up. You swing them over the back of the couch, and hang upside down, head grazing the floor.

“Tomorrow is important – we need to review all of these and decide which trials we are going to continue supporting, and which ones we need to cut out. By my calculations, we need to basically half what we’re currently distributing.”

“It’s gonna be a long night then.”

“Seems that way; I’ve got Chunga and Seungcheol looking over some of them, but kept these more challenging choices.”

“Aw, aren’t I lucky to be trusted with this huge responsibility? You want

“I need to go visit my parents this weekend. It would’ve been my mom’s birthday.”

“You taking Jae?” You feel his weight on the couch as he returns with a couple of take out menus. His head tips down beside you.

“That’s the plan.” You grab the first menu – a Chinese restaurant menu – and attempt to look nonchalant as you read. “I wondered if you wanted to come?”

There’s a silence, and you peer over the top of your menu to see a grin facing you.

“I mean, you don’t have to. Just, if you were bored…it’d be nice if you guys could meet. Is that stupid?”

“No, I’d say it’s pretty sweet.”

“So, you’ll come?”

“Wouldn’t miss it.”

You shuffle across, and kiss him. You feel his smile under your lips, and he pecks you on the nose.

“Is this what they do in Spider-man?” There’s the vibrating of a cell phone, and you fumble on the couch to try locate the device without having to upright yourself.

“Nah, Mary Jane was the right way around, I think.” Clutching the phone, you put it to your ear as Chanyeol chuckles at your response.

“Hello?”

“__________! It’s Jae! He won’t stop screaming! He says it’s his eyes! He won’t take his hands away from his face so I can’t see, but he says they burn!”

You side-roll off the couch, and prop yourself up on your knees.

“Have you called an ambulance?”

Chanyeol’s eyes snap to you hearing the question.

“They’re on the way – what should I do in the meantime?”

“How long ago did you call them?”

“About ten minutes ago. The woman on the receiver says they’ll be another five minutes, ten at the most.”

“I’ll meet you at the hospital. Do **not** leave him, okay? Hold onto him tight until you get to the hospital.” You stand up, and see Chanyeol on the phone, coat and bag in hand. “Tell the paramedics about his leukaemia. AML, to be precise . His file is in the drawer under the microwave, take it with you and show them if they have any questions. Do not let them give him Clemastine. Clemastine, okay?”

“Okay, no Clemastine. AML. File under the drawer. Anything else?” Yoojung’s voice quivers, and you feel yourself beginning to sweat.

“Whatever happens, do not leave him. I’ll be at the hospital in fifteen minutes maximum.” You slip your shoes on, ear pressed to your shoulder to keep the phone in place. A hand steadies you as you wobble, and you nod at him.

“Okay.”

“Tell him I love him. I’ll be there so soon.”

You hang up the phone, and grab the bag and coat from Chanyeol’s hands.

“Cab is two minutes away.”

“Thank you so much. He’s – it’s a problem with his eyes – he was screaming in the background – I don’t know what’s…”

“It’s fine, okay?” He grabs you by the shoulders, and ducks his head to look you in the eye. “It’s gonna be fine.”

You agree, though you don’t believe a word of it.

“You want me to come with you?”

You’re nodding before he’s finished the question.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *patrick stumps voice* its going down, down.....
> 
> i've finished writing the entire thing now, so it's just a case of uploading - expect a roller coaster of emotions
> 
> also come yell at me on @ft_kihyun

When you get to the hospital, the ambulance is outside and you see Yoojung stood in the reception, Jae nowhere in sight.

“What the fuck?! I told you not to leave him!” Screaming across the room, you storm in, Chanyeol following closely behind.

“I’m sorry; th-th-they said family only.”

“He’s a minor! They weren’t gonna question if you’d lied right now, for fuck sake!”

“______.”

“See if you look after my brother again, you useless piece of-”

“_______!”

Chanyeol’s voice shocks you, and you jerk your neck to look at him. His eyes are fierce, and you suddenly remember yourself. You bite your lip, and take a step towards Yoojung, who is now crying. With a deep breath, you place a hand cautiously on her shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Yoojung. I didn’t mean it; you’ve done everything you can so far. But I need you to tell me where they took him now.”

“Ermmm…” She sniffs hard, and you try to remain calm as she collects herself. “They pushed him through those doors – they said something about a treatment room…”

“Thank you. You don’t need to stay – I’ll keep you updated, but you’ve got school tomorrow.” You’re about to turn away, when you pause for a second. You bring her into you, and squeeze your arms tightly around her shaking frame. “You did good, Yoojung. I’m very grateful. But I need to go take care of him now, okay?” With another sniff and a nod, you let her go, grab Chanyeol’s hand, and tug him in the direction of the emergency room.

When you reach the reception, you tap your foot waiting for the gentleman in front to have his question answered. A squeeze of your hand, and you look up to see concerned brown eyes staring down at you. You stop, and sheepishly look down.

“Sorry…I shouldn’t have yelled at Yoojung like that.”

“It’s fine; it’s all a bit scary right now. Just thought it’d be better to stop you before you said anything you couldn’t take back.”

“Thanks…and thanks for coming with me.”

“Of course.”

Finally able to approach the desk, you lean over to see the face of someone you don’t recognise.

“Excuse me, I need to find my brother, he just got brought in complaining about his eyes – Jae _____?”

“Ah, Sohye said you’d come soon. They’re in treatment room 101 – second left down that corridor.”

When you reach the room, you see Sohye holding onto Jae’s hand, as a doctor injects him with something. Opening the door, all eyes turn to you, and Sohye smiles weakly.

“Jae, your sister is here. She’s gonna look after you now, okay?”

He squirms in pain, and you release Chanyeol to take Sohye’s place beside him.

“A clot stopped blood flow to his eye; they’ve just sedated him but there won’t have been a lot of pain – the shock probably just caused him to panic.”

You nod, but don’t take your eyes off Jae as his winces soften. The sedative was starting to kick in, and he turns towards you as you run a hand over his blonde locks.

“____?”

 “I’m here. How’re you doing, sweetie?”

“Am I dying yet?”

“What?” You laugh a little, bewildered by the question. “No, don’t be ridiculous.”

“I couldn’t see anything. I thought maybe I was dying.”

“Nope, still here.” You rest your chin on the bed. “You’re stuck with me, it seems.”

“Love you…to the moon…” His eyes finally flutter shut, and his breathing steadies.

“And back.” You whisper. Looking at the tiny hand in yours, you run your thumb over his knuckles. ‘ _Am I dying yet?’_ You kiss the back of his hand, and sit upright to face Sohye.

“What’s the treatment?”

“It’s the same as it always has been – go in, remove the clot, MRI to find where these tumours came from. It’s looking like just removing isn’t good enough – we’re gonna have to do some form of radiation, as well as a much stronger chemo.”

You run your hand through Jae’s hair.

“He was so happy we didn’t have to cut his hair last time...”

“I know, hun. It’s just gotta be done. They need to move him now, so they can take out the clot. Nothing too invasive; just probably better if you aren’t around to see them stick a needle in his eye.”

You hear Sohye’s words, but they have no effect on your movement. You just keep staring, stroking his hair. It had taken nearly two years for it to grow back. His last batch of chemo had been weak enough that nothing had fallen out. You had been considering taking him to get it cut properly soon, as it started to fall over his eyes and stick out behind his ears. Just a little trim, nothing drastic. _Guess that won’t be needed after all._

“______.” A firm hand plants itself on your shoulder, and massages gently. “Let’s go; the longer they leave it, the more risk of long term damage.”

You rise, and follow the two people out of the room to allow the doctors to do their work.

“Is there gonna be damage?”

“We’ll see – your babysitter called the ambulance pretty quickly, so he’s probably just gonna need glasses; no mad rush to get a seeing-dog or anything like that.”

“Thanks for sitting with him.”

“You would’ve done the same if the roles were switched. Now I need to go back and man the desks. Come find me when he’s all settled, yeah?”

“Of course.”

Your eyes follow Sohye as she walks through the doors, before turning to Chanyeol.

“We need to finish going through those files – Chunga was supposed to be emailing me over her decisions to review as well.” You start pacing as you think through your strategy. “The meeting is at 10.30, but if he has an MRI tomorrow morning…Yoon already postponed once, I can’t hold it off anymore…but I need to be here…”

Flustered, you scrape a hand through your hair.

“Listen, it’s only 9pm now. I can run back and get the rest of the files; once Jae is out and gone to sleep, we can sit and go through the rest of them.”

“But what about the meeting?”

“One step at a time. First, I’ll go get those files.”

“But…” With an iron grip, you pull on his sleeve. “Even if I tell you everything, you can’t do the presentation – you’re an intern.”

“One. Step.”

Your eyes glaze over as your brain threatens to short-circuit coming up with solutions that don’t exist, and you nod, releasing your hold. Still spaced out, you feel warm lips on your forehead.

“I’ll work something out.” He whispers, before stepping back to begin the task at hand.

 

-

 

Jae comes out almost as soon as Chanyeol leaves, and you walk with his bed to his room. The surgeon assures you he’ll remain asleep until the morning, and has scheduled his MRI for 11am. The bed opposite will be empty all night, you’re told, so you’re welcome to sleep there rather than on a camp bed. You thank the surgeon, and ask her to inform Sohye where you are and the current condition. She smiles, and once the door is closed you reach for your phone and begin texting.

**We’re in room 184. MRI @ 11 tomoz. Definitely won’t make the meeting xx**

**PCY: What do you want to do about it?xx**

 

Your fingers hover over the keyboard. A slight stir from Jae next to you pushes you to type what needs to be said.

 

**We need Chunga xx**

 

You forward her contact details, and ask Chanyeol to explain the details of what’s going on – only what needs to be said, that is. Fingers make their way to blond hair, and you don’t understand why you’re so fixated on the idea of Jae losing his hair, but it feels like a weight on your chest. You stand to go and retrieve snacks from the vending machines when you get a reply a few minutes later.

 

**I’m picking her up now. We’ll be 20 minutes xx**

-

You look up from your phone just in time to stop yourself bumping into someone, and as you ready yourself to apologise you realise it’s Sohye.

“Oh, it’s you! I was just coming to check how you two were – Chanyeol gone?”

“He’s just grabbing some of my work supplies – important meeting tomorrow I won’t be attending so I need someone to know what they’re doing.”

“You’ve bagged a good one there, you know?”

“What can I say – amazing gene pool.”

“You can cut the ‘cousin’ bullshit – I saw through that the second he showed up, hun.”

You throw your head back.

“Ah, I figured. How come you let him stay? Isn’t it highly unethical to let random men stay in the children’s ward?”

“I mean, yes, 100%. If you tell anyone else he isn’t your cousin, I could face a boring disciplinary meeting of some variety. But, I don’t know. You never bring anyone – I liked the idea you’d finally found someone that mattered enough for them to meet Jae. Lord knows since your parents passed, bless their souls, you’ve been cautious.”

“Crikey, Sohye. Way to make yourself sound all old and wise.”

“Hunny, I’ve been caring for your family for 4 years now. I remember how you were before – visiting from college when you could, piggybacking that boy up and down the corridors, sneaking him candy and fruit juice when he was feeling crappy from the chemo. Don’t get me wrong – you were gonna mature no matter what. I just think your parents not being around made it happen way faster than it was supposed to.”

You bite your lip.

“This isn’t a criticism, _____. You’ve done an amazing job. But at the end of the day, you are not that boy’s mother – you are still young, and seeing you bring Chanyeol here, let’s just say it made me happy that you’d found someone to trust.”

“Wouldn’t it be a pity if he ends up being a dead loss though?” You joke, but Sohye’s expression tells you she’s having none of it.

“Trust me hunny, the way he looks at you makes me think he isn’t leaving any time soon.”

“And how does he look at me, exactly?”

“Well…like that.” She tips her head behind you, and you turn to see Chanyeol stood down the corridor, backpack over one arm, bag of McDonalds in the other. Behind him, Chunga stands with a box of files, and a timid Somi stands beside her, a drinks holder in her hands. Both are looking around, trying to take in the surroundings, meanwhile Chanyeol stares straight at you. His eyes are bright, and his smile reaches his ears when you notice him.

“I’ll leave you to it – if you need more space, there’s an empty conference room down the hall.”

“Thanks, Sohye. For all of that.”

She winks and walks past the small crowd to her desk. You turn to face your audience, and your teeth sink into your lower lip as the words in your brain can’t make their way out your mouth.

“I brought Somi with me, hope that’s okay.” Chunga walks towards you, setting the boxes down on the floor beside her as she speaks. You’re about to respond when arms fling around your shoulders, squeezing tightly.

“I can’t believe you’ve been doing all of this alone. You’re so stupid, do you know that?”

“I’ve been told.” Your words are strained as you fight for air in the iron hold, but considering it’s all meant to be supportive you’d rather enjoy the moment than wriggle free. When you are released, Chunga holds you at arms-length and looks you up and down.

“We have a long night – where are we going to work?”

“Erm, well I need to check and make sure he…Jae…my brother…hasn’t woken up first. His room is down here, but this is a lot of people…” You recall Sohye’s words. “There’s a conference room! Chan, if you could get Sohye to let you in, I’ll meet you there in a couple of minutes?”

He nods eagerly, and hands you the backpack, before squatting to pick up the box Somi had laid down.

“There’s a change of clothes in there, and a couple of bits and pieces. A charger too, for your phone.”

“You’re amazing.”

He shrugs, and wanders off, his convoy in tow.

Slinging the bag over your shoulder, you ponder Sohye’s words, and the current state of affairs. Jae’s still fast asleep when you get to his room, and after a quick look over his monitors and a flick through the chart that has since appeared at the end of his bed, you unpack the items in the backpack. Along with toiletries, Chanyeol has packed you a t-shirt and sweater of his, a pair of sweatpants you had left at his place a couple of visits prior. You upturn the bag and out falls your pencil case, a box of tampons – you laugh out loud at the memory of him finding these in his bathroom last month, questioning their presence, and you threatening to go into detail about ‘mother nature’s terrible gift to women’ – your charger, and finally, a tattered book, with folded corners and a tear on the cover. _The Hobbit._

-

 

“What do you mean, he’s never read Lord of the Rings?!”

“He’s 6, Chanyeol. I’d hardly say they’re appropriate.”

The pair of you were sat in your apartment two weeks ago, and, having just put Jae to bed, you reach for the remote to change the channel to something that wasn’t animated.

“They’re incredible! If he’s reading Harry Potter he can definitely read Lord of the Rings!”

“Only because he’s ran out of books his age range to read. His teachers are saying he’s reading at a 9-year-old’s ability, so suggested those.”

“You’ve got to at least let him read the Hobbit. That one’s basically on par with like, the Cat in the Hat. I loved it when I was a kid!”

“I’ll take your word for it…”

“Don’t sound so judgemental. It’s seriously incredible. I still have my copy for my kids one day; it’s one of my prized possessions. Made me who I am today.”

“Because you resemble the Elves?” Your sweater-covered hands flew over your mouth, and squealed as he launched himself over you, tickling you until you eventually relented and apologised.

-

_‘The way he looks at you makes me think he isn’t leaving any time soon.’_

Warm eyes stare at the book, and with as delicate hands as you can, turn the page to appraise the scrawled ‘Chanyeol Park’ written on the first page. ‘ _One of my prized possessions’._ You hug the book to your chest and breathe deeply. You gather the clothes, set the book down on the bedside table adjacent to Jae’s head, and go to the bathroom to change.

Once back in the corridor, you make your way to the conference room, behind the door of which sit Somi and Chanyeol eating their shares of the food bag, while Chunga organises the files in front of her into 3 piles. All eyes turn to you when you enter.

“______, you’re here. Eat your burger before it gets cold, then we’ll make a start on these.”

You go to the seat beside Chanyeol, and reach inside. Opening your burger, you pick out the gherkins, and nudge Chanyeol with your elbow. He lifts the bread of his sandwich, and lets you place them on top of his patty. When you look up, you notice Somi watching, a grin spreading across her lips as she returns to browsing on her phone.

“I’m happy to run the presentation tomorrow; Somi has already cleared your schedule and emailed a revised version of the schedule to Choi and Yoon, as well as a couple of the label heads that were planning on making an appearance. I’ve split these by priority – any preference on where we start?”

Mouth full, you opt to shake your head rather than speak. Chunga nods once, before pulling herself into the chair opposite you and returning to separating her files. You swallow, and clear your throat.

“Before any of this, I just want to address the elephant in the room.” Chunga’s hands once again stop, and eyes meet yours.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to – Chanyeol’s covered the basics.” Her words come across bluntly, but her eyes are soft.

“I want to. I should have said something months ago – I had just never entertained the idea of anyone else being dragged into all of this.” Inhale. Exhale. “I have a six-year-old brother. He was diagnosed with AML when he was nearly 3. My parents cared for him until they were in a car accident back in October. Ever since, Jae has been my responsibility, and that’s why I’ve been even more busy than normal.”

You face Somi.

“That’s why I had you leave sections of my schedule blank, and wouldn’t give you a clear explanation as to my late arrivals or early departures. I’m sorry – I made an already difficult job more challenging.”

Next, Chunga.

“That’s also why I stopped spending as much time with you recently – I didn’t want to burden you with any more challenges, when you’d already helped me in so many ways since we started this company. I’m so sorry for not being honest – you’re my best friend, and I owed you more than that. I just hope you aren’t too angry, but I understand if you are.”

“You’re kidding, right?” Chunga scoffed. “I’m not angry, you moron. Am I annoyed that you’re so big-headed you thought this was the sort of thing you could take on alone? Yeah. Am I shocked that you could keep something like this a secret for so long? Of course. But angry? Never.” She throws a mocking smile your way, and you beam. “Ask me if I’m angry you kept your relationship with this tall glass of water a secret from me, I dare ya!” Your beam turns bashful, and Chanyeol bellows with laughter.

“Sorry about that, too.”

“Just as I was about to set you up with a friend from yoga.”

“Yoga?!”

“I know! I do YOGA now! Would you believe it?! Somi took me to one of her classes, and it was just another level.”

“Cuuuuuuuuute.”

“Ahem.” Somi clears her throat, and you chuckle as she throws Chunga a glance at the folders in front of her.

“Good point – we should probably start working.”

“Oh man, you’re so whipped.”

“Not as much as Chanyeol.”

“Why am I getting bullied?!”

“Oh please, this is probably one of the rare occasions you’re the minority – time to learn what it’s like.” This causes you and Somi to laugh hard, and Chunga glows with pride at her biting remark. Chanyeol crosses his arms and sinks down in his chair a little, pouting. You ruffle his hair, and he straightens up slightly. He reaches for a completed pile of files.

“Right, let’s start with anaesthetics, shall we?”

 

-

 

It’s 2.15am when you hear it.

Chunga and Somi had left the hospital just after midnight. You’re sleeping on the bed opposite Jae’s, Chanyeol’s arms wrapped tightly around you to accommodate the lack of space on the hospital mattress.

You wonder if it’s coming from another room. You become aware of the arms loosening, and disappearing all together. You mistake the sound for a wake-up call, or a ringtone.

It’s a different kind of alarm.

The worst kind.

“I need a nurse in here!”

Chanyeol is off the bed and taking action before you’ve fully acknowledged what’s going on. When your brain finally processes what’s in front of you, the blood drains from your face.

Shrill screams are coming from the tiny figure on the bed. You rush over to the bed, and the monitor that woke you beeps rapidly, the sounds getting closer and closer together as Jae squirms and shrieks in agony. Kicking the covers off, his eyes and squeezed shut and he clenches his stomach.

“Jae, Jae, Jae, speak to me. What is it? Where does it hurt?”

“My…stomach…” You clutch onto one of his hands as he continues to flail, at which point two nurses burst through the door.

“Sweetie, it’s gonna be okay, we need you to stay still okay?”

The request is too much, as tears begin to roll down his cheeks. One nurse attempts to move you out of the way, but Jae’s grip is too tight on you at this point. You manoeuvre so she has as much access to him as possible, but his hold on you is unrelenting. Chanyeol is behind you, placing a supportive hand on your shoulder as a stethoscope is pressed to Jae’s chest while the other nurse attempts to examine his stomach. While one checks his urinary catheter, the other turns to you.

“We need to do an ultrasound, but it’s looking like kidney trouble. We might need to operate.”

“Kidney trouble? But, he came in for eye pain.”

“If there’s another clot in his kidney, it could be shutting down. We need to act fast to prevent any serious damage.”

An ultrasound machine is wheeled in, and the nurse that had been speaking to you returns to her partner as they hold Jae as still as possible while they ultrasound his stomach.

“But, he had a transplant a couple of years ago…it can’t be…he just had eye pain…” You crouch down, and squeeze the hand with the forceful hold on your fingers. He looks up at you, and repeats the question that already threatened to tear you apart the first time:

“Am I dying now?”

“Don’t be so dramatic”

_Is he dying now?_

 “Everything’s fine.”

_How did this happen?_

“Then why are you crying?”

 “I’ve not let you down before, have I? You’re gonna be absolutely fine.”

“You’ll tell me, right?”

His sad eyes stare up and you for a moment, before a sudden movement from the nurse causes him to wail in pain.

“It’s a clot. We need to operate immediately; do we have your permission?”

Your eyes shoot to the nurse, paused for your response, then back to Jae.

_It’s all too much._

“I…I don’t…”

 “______.”

His voice is just a whisper in your ear, paired with pressure on your shoulder.

“Yes. Please, help him.”

_It was a simple ask._

_‘Help him. Save him. Do anything you can’_

_Why couldn’t things just be simple?_


	10. Chapter 10

 

You’ve been sat in the waiting room for almost 4 hours. While Chanyeol’s eyes eventually drooped, and he began to doze, you haven’t had such good fortune. After pacing up and down the halls for 20 minutes, Sohye offered to go and find out how things were going.

When she finally emerges, you shake Chanyeol awake.

Her eyes meet yours for a second, then look down.

 

_Oh god._

 

She sits next to you. Chanyeol rubs his eyes, takes in his surroundings, and sits upright. Your hand shoots to his knee. He covers it with his hand, and the other hand slips around your waist.

Sohye takes a deep breath.

You do the same.

“Jae woke up with a clot in his kidney. His legs were swollen and his catheter was almost empty. The doctors suspect it had been there a while, just building up.”

 

_Don’t say it._

 

“Once they had him open, they realised there was a lot more damage than initially realised. The kidney hadn’t been receiving enough blood for a while, and had completely shut down.”

 

_Please, help him._

 

“Because of this failure, there have been complications. Jae seems to have developed anaemia, meaning the doctors struggled to stop the bleeding. It’s stopped now, but we can’t put him on a transplant list until his red platelets are back up. This shouldn’t take too long, but in the mean time he’s been put on dialysis.”

“But after that, he can get a transplant?”

Chanyeol asks. You know the answer.

“He can, but he’ll struggle to find one on the list. He has AB negative blood type, and he’s already had one transplant without curing his illness. We can use your blood to top him up again, but…”

“But he’s still got cancer.”

“The donor list aren’t going to be too keen to give an organ to someone that might lose it again. This tends to be when people – family, friends, friendly strangers – come forward to donate. The obvious problem there is that it was your kidney to begin with.”

Maybe unconsciously, you feel Chanyeol’s finger run over the scar on your back. You twitch slightly.

“We’ll keep him on dialysis for as long as we can. But it may be time to consider other options.”

“Other options? What else is there? We need to find him a kidney, or else…” His words drop off.

“Or else he dies.” Your voice is level, and clear. It almost alarms you how void of emotion the statement is. “Dialysis will only work for so long, and no kid should be plugged into a machine for the rest of his life.”

“This isn’t the end, okay?” Sohye puts a hand on your shoulder. “If there’s one thing I can say with certainty about that boy – he’s a fighter. I need you to fill out the paperwork, so we can transplant as soon as we get the call that a kidney is available.”

“Of course.”

“Do you want him waking up?”

“Not yet. He doesn’t need to see what’s going on.”

“I’ll let them know. They’ll be bringing him out soon, if you wanna sit with him.”

You nod, and Sohye returns through the doors to the operating room. Your head sinks forward to your knees, and you remove your hand from Chanyeol to cover your eyes.

 

_This isn’t happening. This isn’t happening. This isn’t happening._

 

A hand strokes the top of your head, and you feel his knees touching yours. He runs a hand up and down your calf, and you peer over your arms to see him crouching in from of you.

“Please don’t tell me it’s going to be okay.”

“Wasn’t planning on.”

“He’s all I’ve got, Chanyeol.”

“I know.”

“I can’t lose him.”

“Do you want me to make some calls?”

“To who?”

“The office. I could send out an email enquiring about blood types and ask if there is anyone on the donor list that would be willing to come down this afternoon. I wouldn’t need to attach your name to anything.”

You ponder this for a moment. You would never want to guilt anyone into donating – part of the reason you hadn’t sent out a floor-wide email demanding any AB- blood types to get their asses down to the hospital the second you could – but Chanyeol had come up with a method that had a level of discretion that may be preferable.

“Would you…could you do that?”

“For you? Of course.” He grins, and while it doesn’t completely settle your racing mind, it certainly helps you breathe a little easier.

-

““ _Good Morning!" said Bilbo, and he meant it. The sun was shining, and the grass was very green. But Gandalf looked at him from under long bushy eyebrows that stuck out further than the brim of his shady hat_.”

Though he was asleep, you read the words aloud. The only sounds other than your voice was the beeping of the dialysis machine, cleaning his blood and returning it to his body.

When Jae was first returned to his room, you couldn’t take your eyes away from it. Even with Chanyeol sat beside you, making small talk, you had constantly kept it in your eyeline. At 9.45am, he had received a reply from someone in the office about the blood type, and gone out explain the situation. As he had risen, he had looked down at you, looking at the machine, and detoured towards Jae’s bed. Dropping the book in your lap, he smiled softly at you before departing.

Now, you read aloud. You read as if he were awake, putting on voices and exclaiming whenever something dramatic happened. _Why haven’t I read to him more?_ He had gotten so good at reading because of all the time spent inside, it seemed patronising to try reading to him nowadays. But that didn’t change the fact _you should have done it more_.

Chanyeol enters the room, and smiles at you. Not just smiles. Beams.

“He’s here. Byun Baekhyun – he’s AB negative, and I explained there was a patient that was in desperate need of a kidney.”

“That intern sleeping with the Kang girl?”

“She’s here too – moral support or something. You don’t need to see them if you don’t want, but he’s here and he’s happy to donate.”

“It’s okay. He’s willing to give a kidney, he deserves to know who he’s giving it to.”

You look back to Jae, eyes still shut, machine still whirring beside him. You bob your head down, pressing your lips to his forehead. Rolling your shoulders back and straightening your posture, you tap your cheeks to try and hide the exhaustion as you step into the brightly lit corridor. Mr Byun is stood by the reception, filling in forms, Miss Kang tucked into his side whispering to him. She sees you before he does, and with wide eyes nudges him with her elbow. He looks up briefly, returns to the forms, then does a double take. He immediately stands upright, and faces you.

“Miss _____. I didn’t realise you would be here.”

“That’s what I’ve come to talk to you about. I must apologise to you both for my appearance, and for the sudden call out. I didn’t want to ask for donors myself because I worried people would either accept or reject the call based on the fact I was your boss.”

“Is this for you, ma’am? Chanyeol said it was for a child…”

“My brother. He’s stage 3, and a clot in his blood caused kidney failure. I can’t transplant, since he’s already had one of mine, so this was really a last resort. But I figured you had the right to know who you were donating for, and how much this means to me.”

“Of course, ma’am. I didn’t join the donor list for no reason – I want to help people. If I can help your brother, that’d be fantastic.”

Maybe you were more tired than you had initially realised, or maybe the past few weeks had made you soft, but you stepped forward and gave Baekhyun a hug.  He’s stiff for a moment, before cautiously patting your back. You release him, and smile.

“Sorry. It’s been a long day.”

“I can tell.”

Miss Kang kicks the back of his leg at that comment.

“Ow…I mean, not that you look tired, I just, I can imagine it’s hard, I’m…sorry.”

“Calm down, Byun. You’re giving my brother a kidney – you could call me a lot worse and I’d still thank you.”

You walk away, Chanyeol on your heels.

“When they’re out of eyeline, remind me to kiss you.”

Chanyeol chuckles, fingers brushing the back of yours playfully. You allow yourself to laugh a little, and it feels hopeful. _You_ are hopeful.

 

-

 

Five hours after the surgery, Jae wakes up. Groggily, his eyes open just a fraction, and he squeezes them tight before trying to sit up.

“Shhhh, don’t sit up sweetie. You’re plugged into a lot of things right now.”

His brows furrow in panic, pupils widening as he tries to look around him. His voice is hoarse as he tries to speak.

“No no no, it’s fine, okay? Hang on, I’ll lift the bed up so then you can at least see what’s going on.” You push on a button, and the bed adjusts to a seating position. You had him a plastic cup with water, and his hands shake as he reaches for it. “You had an issue with your kidney, okay? Turns out that one I gave you wasn’t very good, so we found you another one. A better one.”

“But…my eyes…”

“Things might seem a little blurry. You’re gonna need to see the optician here before we home to get you some glasses, but that’s as bad as it was. Lucky you were in here though, otherwise you might have ditched me.”

“I’m not dying, then?”

“You need to stop asking that. I’ll tell you if you are, okay?”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

He finishes his drink, and winces slightly as he shifts to hand you back the cup.

“Don’t drink too much – you’ll wear the new one out in seconds if you go chugging away.”

“How long do I have to stay here?”

“Not long, just so the doctors can check over you and make sure everything else is working absolutely fine. But it’s late, so you should probably sleep a bit more, if you can.”

“Okie doke.” Without any hesitation, his eyes close, and you lower his bed back down to a sleeping position.

You grab the pillows from the bed opposite him, and after pushing the two chairs together, settle yourself beside his bed. Reaching for your phone, you check your messages before attempting to get some shut eye.

 

 

**Chunga: Smashed the presentation! Yoon was v happy, no one suspected a thing. Hope the lil 1 is okay, lemme know when hes awake xox**

 

 

**Somi: Miss _____, Your food delivery has been postponed, and I’ve temporarily turned off your forwarding program – I’ll deal with your emails, just take care of your brother. All the best, Somi Jeon <3 **

 

 

**PCY: told everyone the reason i was late was bcos of a hangover. everyone believed me!! xx**

**PCY: maybe i look worse than i realised** ****


	11. Chapter 11

It’s been three weeks. You’re sitting at the dining table, reading over the side effects of a new anti-histamine your company is considering. Jae and Chanyeol are perched on the couch as Chanyeol attempts to teach Jae to play ‘Twinkle Twinkle’ on the guitar. The huge guitar looks comical compared to his small frame, new glasses balances on the end of his nose, blonde locks thankfully still intact. After a doctor’s appointment earlier this morning, Jae has been downgraded to stage 2 AML, and his kidney is working better than ever. You’ve enrolled him back into school, where he’ll start at the end of the month.

“Keep going.” Chanyeol eggs him on, before setting his own guitar down and walking over to you. His hands massage your shoulders, and you smile.

“Have you thought more about my offer?”

“I don’t know if now is the best time. Things have been so complicated recently, I wouldn’t want to spring any more change on him.”

“No rush. But I did find this, if you changed your mind.”

A sheet of paper is dropped in front of you. On it, an apartment. Two bedrooms, one bathroom, recently renovated. Almost identical rent to what you’re currently paying, almost double the floor space. The best part? The block is one of three in the area with access to a private park.

“Plenty of places for him to find Pokemon.”

You bite your lip.

“It certainly is…impressive.”

“Just for you to consider.” He pecks your cheek, and chuckles as he darts off. Turning to look behind him, he throws you one of his brightest smiles, because he knows he’s made an excellent offer. You walk over, and squat down beside Jae.

“Go on then, let’s here!”

He only stumbles once, and when he finishes Chanyeol’s smile somehow widens. He claps his hands together, somewhat resembling a seal as his sweater-covered hands bounce off each other, and Jae giggles.

Finally, things could be simple.

Lord knows, you just wanted it simple.

_Why couldn’t they have been that simple?_

-

 

Of all kidney transplants, only 7% fail in the first year. 83% still work after 3 years. 54% still work after 10 years.

_Why couldn’t we have been in the 93%?_


	12. Chapter 12

When you wake up, Jae hasn’t opened his eyes yet. You take off the blanket that has been draped over you – Sohye, you assume – and stand up, stretching yourself left and right. While you felt better for having been close to him all night, you made a mental note to sleep in the bed provided next time.

The bright light of the hallway blurs your vision for a moment, and you hazily make your way to the doctor’s lounge.

A couple of interns sit at one of the tables, another doctor in scrubs rummages around in the fridge, but none seem to take much notice of you in their space. You make yourself a mug of tea, and swirl the teabag around a couple of times before you remove it and add your milk. There’s a stain on your sweater, and you attempt to pick it off with your thumb before taking your tea back to Jae’s room.

Settling back down, you check your phone. No new messages. No new emails. Everything feels peaceful. Jae whimpers slightly in his sleep, and you lean forward to stroke his hair.

You notice his forehead is clammy.

Not just clammy.

He’s burning up.

You go to turn on the light switch, and only now do you notice the shivers. He whimpers again and you go out into the corridor to find a nurse.

You follow the nurse in, and he pulls the covers back. He turns Jae slightly, and inspects the stitches.

“His stitches seem fine, and there’s no signs of internal bleeding or anything along those lines. It’s looking like an infection, so some antibiotics should be able to clear it all up easily enough. I’ll do a biopsy to be on the safe side, but this is nothing to worry about.”

You nod.

Infections aren’t the worst. Infections can be managed.

People live with infections.

 

**Docs think he has an infection. Gonna a biopsy, and putting him on antibiotics xx**

****doing (woops)**

**Have a good day at work, stop by when you’re done okay? xx**

**PCY: Yes ma’am! xx**

You watch as he takes a biopsy, before examining Jae’s IV and catheter. He checks Jae’s chart, and then inspects the catheter once more, before leaving the room. Your eyes narrow, and you peak through the door to see him going to the nurse’s desk, gesturing to your room, and marching off with the sample.

Jae continues to whimper softly.

 

-

 

It’s not until after 4 that someone finally gives you the results.

The antibiotics have kicked in, and a nurse has been in to wake Jae up. Part way through the day, Jae was taken for a CT, but you’ve still heard nothing. It makes you anxious.

Chanyeol’s able to get off of work early, and sits in the chair beside the bed. You’re on the bed with Jae, and Chanyeol is reading the Hobbit aloud. Jae’s enthralled, and you laugh every time he attempts to put on a voice for one of the characters.

It’s Sohye who’s face appears in the door well. You smile at her, until you realise she isn’t smiling back.

Quite the opposite, in fact.

“Can we talk, ______?”

Chanyeol looks between you two, and jumps up from his chair.

“I’ll just sit here instead, while the adults go talk.” You stand up, and roll your shoulders back as you pace out the room.

Sohye doesn’t stop just outside the door. She leads you further, past the nurses’ desk and the waiting room. She walks you to the doctor’s lounge, asks the group of doctors sitting around the table to ‘give us a minute’, and shuts the door behind them.

“You want a drink, hun? I bought this new brand of coffee that has a hint of caramel, I think you’re gonna absolutely love it.”

“I’m good thanks.”

“But then again, sweetness always was your favourite, wasn’t it?”

“Sohye, what’s going on?”

“Not like your brother. He’d find it a personal insult if anyone tried to bribe him with a bar of chocolate or a cookie or something. Saw right through it. I remember one time -”

“Sohye!” The volume of your voice causes her to jump, and her hands hover over the mugs in front of her. “Look at me.”

You watch her shoulders rise as she inhales deeply, and finally looks you in the eye. Her lips are a thin line, and her eyes glisten.

“Let’s sit, hunny.”

You sit at the table. Sohye sits opposite you, and reaches over for your hands. You let her grab them, and you’re conscious that your palms are sweating. Your eyes are on her, and hers are on your hands.

“Jae had a clot. A rather sizeable tumour had been lodged in the inferior vena cava, and the surgery loosened it. The CT shows that it has dispersed around the body, and has lodged in several locations.” She takes a deep breath, and squeezes your hands tighter. “But our biggest issue, in all of this, is the fact that the it’s blocked the renal artery.”

_You went to med school - you know what she’s trying to tell you._

_You don’t need to ask._

_You do anyway._

“What does this mean?”

She looks up at you, with a downturned mouth and sad eyes; such sad, sad eyes.

“Sweetie, you know what it means.”

“Say it anyway.”

Sohye rubs her fingers over your knuckles, and those sad eyes are back on the table.

“The main blood vessel – the one we needed to work for Jae’s body to accept the transplant – was blocked. Because of this, he has rejected the kidney. We can try to put him on the transplant list, but the fact he has now lost two kidneys in four years puts him in the worse possible scenario. Even if we put him on dialysis until we _could_ find him a new kidney, we’ve got tumours floating around in his blood stream, waiting to cling on to whichever organ they next encounter.”

_No new kidney. Tumours everywhere. ‘Worst possible scenario’._

“So, what you’re saying is…”

_Don’t say it._

_This can’t be it._

_There must be some other way._

“I’m saying, it’s been a hell of a fight, but the time has come to throw in the towel.”

You laugh a little, and it barely stifle a sob, your head finally falling.

“But sweetie…”

You look up. She wipes a tear away from your cheek.

“Your parents would be so proud.”

 

-

 

You walk back to Jae’s room twenty minutes later, Sohye’s arm linked in yours. All ‘options’ have been discussed, you’ve wiped your eyes the best you can, and as you approach the door, you can see Chanyeol and Jae giggling through the glass.

You freeze outside.

“I could just not tell him. You can make it so he just falls asleep. He doesn’t need to know.”

“But would you want that?”

“No.” Your voice cracks.

“Do you want me to take Chanyeol away?”

“Not forever…just, give me half an hour.”

“Anything you want, sweetie.”

With that, you open the door and step inside.

 

-

 

It was horrible. With your legs wrapped around him, and your hands around his, you struggled to find the words. And then he asked it.

“Am I dying now?”

Your teeth sink into your lip, and you stroked his hair, and his eyes widened.

“You told me you’d tell me. You promised me.”

“Give me a second, okay.”

A tear rolled down your cheek.

“I love you so much, okay? My beautiful, brave, baby brother. To the moon and back, that’s how much I love you.”

 You looked to the ceiling, and felt his hand grab your arm.

“Yes, Jae. You are…you are not gonna get any better. The doctors have tried everything they can, but we’ve run out of options, and you were so brave this whole time, my sweet, sweet boy.”

He started to shake as the tears finally fall. You brought him to your chest, and he quickly soaked the front of your shirt as he cries. You squeezed him so tight, because he is so loved.

“But this isn’t the end, you know? Once you fall asleep here, you’ll wake up somewhere _so much_ better. With mom and dad, okay? With all the books, and the Pokémon, and you will be _so happy_ there. No doctors, or hospitals, or any of this.”

“B-b-b-but you won’t b-b-be there.” His hands clutched to you, and the lump in your throat threatens to suffocate you.

“Not straight away. But eventually. And it’ll feel like no time has passed until we see each other again, you know that right? It’ll pass by in a blink.”

“Promise?”

“Have I lied to you yet?”

-

Sohye pokes her head around the door, and you nod to give her the all clear. She goes to collect Chanyeol, and the pair enter the room. Jae is still sat between your legs, his back pressed to your chest and his book open in front of him.

“Is it okay if Chanyeol comes and sits with us, buddy? He wants to hear the end of the story.”

“That’d be good.” His voice is hoarse.

“Sohye’s just gonna just unplug a few of these too, okay?”

He nods, and sits forward a little. Sohye takes most of the wires away, leaving only the IV, to which she increases the morphine dose. Chanyeol hovers, unsure where to sit, and as Jae leans back into you, you pat the mattress. The three of you all stretched out on the bed is cosy, and Chanyeol rests his arm behind your shoulders, his cheek tilted to rest on your head. You pick up the book.

“Now, where were we? Bilbo had just slayed a dragon, right?”

-

At 1am, belly full of the pizza and fizzy drinks Sohye had let you guys order, Jae’s eyes begin to droop. Chanyeol nudges you to make you aware, and you lean to check for yourself.

“You getting sleepy, babe?”

“Nope.” He yawns. “Not at all.”

“Then what was that?”

“Just trying to get more oxygen to my brain.”

You laugh a little, but it feels forced.

_This is it then._

“You can sleep, sweetie. I’m not going anywhere; I’ll be with you no matter what.”

“I love you to the moon.”

“And back.”

He turns so his cheek rests against your chest, and brings his knees to his chest.

“I’m scared.”

“Me too, babe. But you have been so, so brave.”

“You’re the bravest kid I’ve ever known.”

Chanyeol ruffles his hair, and you feel Jae smile against you.

“Take care of my sister, okay?”

“You have my word.”

When he says this, he looks to you, and though his voice had been level you see the lines staining his face.

“My talented little boy.”

“I never got to know what happened at the end of Harry Potter.”

“I’ll tell you now, okay? You just sit here, and I’ll tell you all about it.” He shuffles closer to you, and you stroke his hair one last time. _One last time._

“After the Tri-wizard Tournament, Harry and Ron and Hermione know Voldermort is back. But no one believes Harry – everyone thinks he’s a bit weird. And then, erm, oh yeah, Dumbledore gets accused of being a liar, and gets kicked out of Hogwarts, and this horrible woman comes to replace him. She doesn’t let any students do any spells, so Harry teaches his friends in secret. And they go to fight Voldermort, and just as Voldermort is about to attack Harry, all the Ministry of Magic arrive and realise he was telling the truth the whole time.”

“______.”

“In order to kill him, Harry, Hermione and Ron go off to destroy these Horcruxes, which have Voldermort’s soul inside. If they don’t do that, then they can’t kill him, so they go off and explore all these wonderful places, and they kill 5 of them -”

“______.”

You look at Chanyeol, and though he doesn’t say anything, his eyes are full.

“Just let me finish, okay?”

He nods and leans back, his arm around you tightening.

“Erm, and then, they realise Harry is a Horcrux himself, so he needs to die in order to save the day. So he lets Voldermort kill him, but he comes back to life. Because that’s what he does, you know? He’s the boy that lives. No matter what, he always survives. Like a strong, brave boy, he saves the day and lives, and there’s no more Voldermort anymore. Everyone is so happy, and Harry is okay. Just like you, my wonderful, brave boy.”

Your words are blurring together, and you whisper them to him as he remains still in your arms. You gently rock him slightly, lips pressed to his head.

“My brave, brave boy. My wonderful baby brother. You are so loved, brave boy.”

Until his last breath, you wanted him to know it. To feel it.

He was so loved.


	13. Chapter 13

Night one had been spent at the hospital, going through paper work and waiting for someone to come and pick Jae up. Sohye had checked in on you throughout the day, and Chanyeol phoned in sick.  You packed up your belongings, and in the Uber back, Chanyeol kept one hand firmly on your thigh the entire ride.

For three days after that, you camped out at Chanyeol’s place. You couldn’t face the office just yet, so instead worked from his kitchen table, Somi practically living on Skype as you communicated your plans. Chanyeol had stayed with you on day one, but you insisted he return to work as soon as possible. That was the day you phoned the funeral home, and sent out a notice to the local pre-school Jae had briefly attended asking the teachers to let the few friends he had made know. There were very few who you could invite to the funeral, so once that task was over and done with you threw yourself into your work. It wasn’t until 5.30pm when Chanyeol returned home that you took a break, and even then, you kept typing until well past 10. Chanyeol sat with you the whole time, constantly hovering.

It would be sweet, if it wasn’t so suffocating.

By the third day, you snapped.

“I need to go home.” You had been conscious of his watchful eye the entire time. Every time you peered over your laptop, you saw his eyes on you. It became like an itch in the back of your head. One you couldn’t scratch while still in his apartment.

“You want me to come with you?”

“I need to do this alone – sort through some things there first.” You stuffed your laptop into your bag, and rummaged around for your phone to call a cab. “I’ll call you when I’m done, okay?”

His eyebrows were furrowed, and he crossed his arms over his chest.

“You sure you’re gonna be okay?”

“Yes, god Chanyeol. I’m a big girl; I can go to my _own_ apartment.”

“I know, that’s not what I’m saying.”

“What ARE you saying then?”

“Don’t yell at me, I’m just worried about you. You haven’t been back home yet. Hell, you haven’t been the same since…” His voice trailed off, and you rolled your eyes and scoffed loudly.

“Since what? Say it! You’ve been pussyfooting around it all week – say it!”

“SINCE JAE LEFT!”

Your mouth dropped open, and his eyes widened. You slung your bag over your shoulder, and blocked out the apologies he rambled at you.

“He didn’t leave, Chanyeol.”

You paused with the door open, not daring to look back at him.

“He died.”

 

-

 

When you had entered the apartment five days prior, you were still mad at Chanyeol. The cab ride over, you had been bombarded with apology text messages, until you eventually replied with a simple ‘I’m not mad. Just need space x’. Muttering under your breath, you had thrown your coat onto the couch, reached into the fridge, and sipped orange juice from the carton. Hissing, the sour taste bit at your tongue, and you realised most things in your fridge had gone off at this point.

You pulled the bin over, and dragged the contents into the black bin bag. Next, you reached into the cupboard and grabbed all the plastic plates and cups – it had always annoyed you that you couldn’t put any kid’s crockery through the dishwasher, so you were glad to be rid of it. Walking into the living room, you gathered up spare papers; elementary school brochures, optician application forms, random colouring sheets.

You were on a rampage. You marched into your bedroom, and opened the wardrobe. His clothes were all hung up beside yours. Not that he ever wore any of them – he was always stuck in those stupid hospital gowns. Everything was thrown into a new bin bag, before moving on to your own clothes and removing half the items within. You made a note to take these to a charity shop or thrift store the next day.

Next, the bathroom.

Your shower still had those annoying kid-friendly shampoos. ‘No more tears’; the biggest load of crap you’d ever heard. His hair stayed knotty and if it got in his eyes he would scream loud enough for the neighbours to knock on the wall. You gathered up the bath toys too – a space ship, three rubber ducks, and a broomstick for the Barbie and Ken dolls you’d bought him for his fifth birthday. Somewhere in the apartment, a doll with a sharpie lightening scar on his head and another with a make-shift robe were lurking. You needed to remember to find them, and dispose of those too. You stood at the sink and opened the cabinet. Bottle after bottle of medication got thrown into the trash. An unopened tube of kid’s toothpaste follows, as well as the wax you had bought him – ‘if I can’t cut that mop you call hair, at least let me style it a little’. Shutting the door, you were about done when something caught your eye.

_“Look, I can use this now!”_

_“Jae, it’s too big. You’re still a little kid, unfortunately, and that means you have to use toothbrushes for little kids!”_

_“Your toothbrush is small, but you still use it.”_

_“This is an electric one; they’re expensive, and you chew yours so am I hell getting you one.”_

_“You cussed! A dollar in the swear jar!”_

_He laughed hard, and spat toothpaste all over you. His eyes widened, and he bolted as you lunged for him, chasing him around the apartment until you could eventually wrap your arms around him and tickle him until he begged for forgiveness._

_“Okay, okay. I give up! No dollar.”_

Resting on the counter top, with a short ribbon tied in a bow, was the electric toothbrush you’d bought him. A shaking hand reached forward, and when you push the button, it plays the Harry Potter theme song. You smiled weakly. You were gonna give it to when he got back from hospital.

When he came home.

_When he got better._

You hugged the brush to your chest, and the tune came to an end. Your bottom lip had quivered, and you began to empty out three days of pent up emotion. Laying on the bathroom floor, wailing like a baby with no one around to comfort you, the gravity of the situation seemed to crush you.

_He wasn’t coming home._

_He’s gone forever this time._

That night, you laid in your bed, staring at the empty space where his sleeping figure normally rested. For the past eleven months, you had had him with you. When he first came to live with you after your parents’ accident, he hadn’t want to sleep alone. After that, he was in an out of hospital often enough that sharing a double bed worked out just fine. Eventually, you had planned on moving into an apartment with two bedrooms, so he could have his own room.

_Another plan you don’t need to worry about anymore._

You had reclaimed a couple of sweaters and t-shirts from the thrift store bag, and pulled them over the pillow beside your head. Squeezing tight, you sobbed into the early hours of the morning, when you were finally able to drift off to sleep.

 

-

 

Now, you sit in darkness, five days later. There’s a faint waft of stagnant take away, and your phone vibrates for the twelfth time today. You look to the black dress hanging in the door well, and shudder at the thought of tomorrow. Your shoes have been polished. Your dress ironed of creases. You’d ordered flowers, a preacher was showing up, everyone had RSVP’d. Everything was ready.

You weren’t ready though.

Zipping the dress into a carry-on bag, you reach for your phone. Sure enough, the majority of the missed calls are Chanyeol.

**I’m sorry I’m not replying right now. I just need to get ready for tomorrow – you’re still coming right? Xx**

**PCY: Of course xx**

**PCY: Need anything? xx**

**Just some space. Sorry xx**

**PCY: Don’t say sorry xx**

**PCY: Maybe just drop me a text every now and then so I know you’re not dead**

**PCY: Oh shit. Sorry. Terrible choice of words xx**

**PCY: I love you xx**

 

You laughed out loud.

 

-

 

“And now, Jae’s sister, _______, will say a few words.”

Chanyeol squeezes your hand, and you realise this is your cue. As you walk to the front, you see Chunga and Somi, Sohye and her husband, Baekhyun and Seulgi, and of course, Chanyeol. Ever since you had arrived, his eyes had been on you, his hand stuck to your hip. For a few minutes, it had been comforting, but the suffocating feeling returned very quickly.

You had thought it had been his apartment that was making you feel small.

You took a deep breath, and tried to ignore the wooden box beside you, along with the large smiling photo beside you.

“When Jae was born, I didn’t want him.”

A few chuckles echoed around the church.

“I didn’t understand why – or how – my parents were having another kid 16 years after me. I mean, I studied biochem – I knew _how_ , if you know what I mean. But I just thought it was the worst idea in the world. And yet, the second I held him, I knew we were gonna get into a lot of trouble together.”

You smile, remembering the first time you cradled the tiny sleeping baby boy in your arms.

“When Jae got sick, my parents did everything they could to make sure he got to be as normal as possible. They scolded him, they made him do his homework, they took his Gameboy off him when he played it for too long. And I felt it was my job to be as normal a sister as I could be.”

“Sohye recently reminded me of one time when we were in hospital, and 19-year-old me was visiting from college. He was sulking in his room because he wasn’t allowed to eat anything before a scan – something to do with his blood sugar, if I remember correctly. So, when my parents weren’t looking, I put him on my back, and we walked two blocks to the nearest Krispy Kreme. He ate 3 chocolate donuts; I spent nearly $15 just on donuts! My parents were so mad when we got back – the test had to be postponed by another 6 hours. But Jae laughed so hard as my parents yelled at me, he vomited at least two of those three donuts onto my sneakers.”

This gets a lot of laughs – you’re not sure how many are genuine, but you appreciate them nonetheless.

“When my parents died, things got tough. But never enough for either of us to stop fighting. Lord knows that boy fought right until the very end. He had so many plans; Harry Potter studios in London, learn guitar like Chanyeol, play Pokémon Go with his friends. He wanted to live his life. My parents used to say, ‘you get what you’re given’. Well, Jae deserved better than he got. My brave baby brother was ready to take on the world, and the fact he can’t is a crime. The universe fucked up bad – sorry, messed up. He’d tell me to put a dollar in the swear jar for that one.”

With that, you bow your head slightly as you walk back to your seat. Chunga leans forward and rubs your shoulder, and Chanyeol’s hand squeezes your thigh.

You bite your lip, and lower your eyeline to his hand. It sits there through the rest of the service, and by the end it feels as though he’s burned an imprint into your skin.

_It’s just because he cares, _____. He’s just worried, you don’t need to overthink this._

You stand with Sohye and her husband at the end of the ceremony, and thank them for coming.

“How have you been holding up, sweetheart?”

“Alright – as well as can be expected, I guess.”

“At least you’ve got someone like Chanyeol here with you.”

He smiles at the compliment, and the hand he has snaked around your waist pulls you closer to him. Sohye and Chanyeol converse, and you look around the room for a distraction from the grip weighing you down. Chunga and Somi are stood together in the back, whispering between each other. Somi tugs on her dress, and Chunga taps her hand away, smiling and picking a loose piece of lint off for her. You feel a pit in your stomach watching them; something that vaguely resembles envy.

You tune back into conversation as Sohye reaches for your hand.

“But I told this girl, I could tell from the second you walked in – you weren’t gonna be leaving her side anytime soon.”

“I need to get something to drink – do you want anything?” Both Chanyeol and Sohye’s eyes snap to you, as if they’d almost forgotten you were there at all. Sohye’s husband, on the other hand, looked decidedly bored, and you wondered how many of these…’events’ he was brought along to.

“I’m good, thanks hun.”

“You want me to come with you?”

“No, I’m fine thanks, Chan.” You wiggle your way out of his grasp, and march over to Chunga.

“Can we talk?”

Chunga looks a little startled, but nods nonetheless. Somi looks between the two of you, and takes this as a hint to go speak to other people in the room.

“I can’t do this, Chunga.”

“Can’t do what? The service is already over, _________. You were wonderful, by the way.”

“I can’t stay here. I can’t sit under constant observation.”

To prove your point, you tip your head in the direction you just came from. Sure enough, Chanyeol’s eyes are looking past Sohye’s husband, who is finally talking, and remain trained on you. You grab her hand, and lead her out of the church.

“I’m being suffocated around here, and the one person that is supposed to be my support is also the one holding the pillow over my head!”

“So, dump him!”

“That isn’t enough, though. The flat is killing me, Chanyeol is killing me, I don’t know how I’ll ever go back to the office like this – nowhere feels safe anymore.”

“What do you suggest we do, then?”

“I have no idea. I was kind of hoping for some guidance from you – you’re the sensible one here.”

“Me?!” She throws her head back at this. “Oh ______, grief really has melted your brain. Somi is the sensible one – remember how she’s gonna be taking over the company before I do? Don’t get me wrong, she’s a positive influence, but not quite _that_ good.”

Your eyes twitch left and right as an idea forms.

“Chunga, what are you doing tomorrow?”

“Well, it’s a Saturday, so I was supposed to be going to yoga and rock climbing with Somi – don’t give me that look! – but I feel like my plans are about to change.”

“Come over to mine afterwards, both of you. We have work to do.”

 

-

 

You knock on his door on his door on Sunday, the sun just starting to set as you had entered the building. He opens the door, and a smile immediately spreads across his face when he sees you.

“_______! Hey, I wasn’t expecting you!”

“Yeah, sorry I didn’t come over yesterday, I was dealing with a lot of…aftermath of the funeral.”

“No, of course.” He steps back to allow you to come in, but as you step in he wraps his arms around you and hugs you tight. “I know it’s been a really shitty time recently; I feel like I’ve hardly seen you.”

He releases you, and sits on the couch, gesturing for you to join him. You do, perching on the edge.

“How’ve you been recently? I feel like with everything going on, we’ve hardly spoken about your life.”

“Same old; the office has seemed odd without you. People are looking forward to having you back – Somi just keeps telling everyone you’ve been unwell.”

“She’s very good.”

You lean back slightly, and silence settles. Resting your head on the back of the couch, you look to the ceiling, counting the tiles in your head. When you look back down, Chanyeol’s watching you.

_Of course._

“What do you want for dinner?"

"Anything - you pick."

"I was thinking of getting an Indian.”

“But you hate spicy food?”

“I know, but it’s your favourite, so…”

There it was. The final push.

“You know I love you, right?”

“Of course.” He breathily laughs, and you bite your lip. “And I love you. You’ve been so strong these past two weeks, it’s made me love you even more.”

You turn to face him, legs crossed.

“That’s what I want to talk to you about.” You reach forward and take his hands in yours, resting them in the space between you. “You have been nothing but supportive recently, but I’m not the sort of girl that needs constant observation. My brother died, and that was shit, but ever since that day, you’ve been walking on egg shells around me.”

You inhale deeply.

“When you first met me, my parents had died, and I was caring for a dying brother. But you didn’t know that, and I loved that. I loved that you loved me for me, and we could have fun without any fear from the other sides of my life. And then you found out, but you still loved me exactly the same as before. We still argued over take-out, you pushed Jae on the swings, everything was normal. But now he’s gone, you don’t love me like that.”

He tries to argue, but you raise a hand to silence him.

“I’m not saying you don’t love me, but it’s not what I want. I don’t need to be coddled; I need to deal with this my own way, the way I dealt with my parents, and my grandparents, and my pet rabbit when I was 12. I’m not the girl you can wrap in blankets and rock to sleep.”

“I just wanted to do everything I could.”

“I know. I felt it – all the love you had to give. I love how much love you have to give. But I just don’t think I’m in a place to accept it right now.”

“So, what you’re saying is I need to let you deal with this on your own.” His voice becomes a little frantic, almost as if he’s read your mind, and knows what is to come. The panic is almost tangible, his eyes wide, his hands holding onto you so tightly. “I can do that – I won’t bring anything up unless you want to talk about it, I’ll keep my nose out of your business, hell, I’ll order a pizza tonight instead. Screw curries and the crappy Indian bread.”

You laugh sadly, and reach forward to cup his face. Your thumb grazes his cheek, and you feel your eyes well up.

“I’m saying, I want to love you as much as I can. But if I stay with you, while we’re like this, while I’m still trying to work past this, I don’t think I will anymore. Right now, we can’t get back to how we were. Nothing in my life is how it was; I need time and space to try and figure out who I am now I’m alone.”

“You don’t need to be alone though.”

“Yes, I do, Chanyeol. For almost a year, I’ve been raising a boy with cancer. Before that, I was raising a company from the ground. I’ve been a mom, a sister, a CEO. I haven’t been me. I want to find a version of myself that deserve the love you have to offer, and can give you something back.”

His mouth hangs open, and against your better instinct, you pull his lips to yours and kiss him. He kisses you back hard, with such intensity and fervour, like this is the last time.

When you pull back, you stare into his eyes. He smiles at you, and tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. Pressing your forehead to his, and shut your eyes.

“I love you, okay?”

“I know. That’s what’s gonna make this harder.”

“I’ll still love you, whenever you decide you’re ready.”

“You shouldn’t make promises you can’t keep.”

A peck on his nose, and you stand up and walk towards the exit. He follows, and opens the door for you, flicking one of the cords of the grey hoodie you’re wearing. Your mouth opens slightly, realising this isn’t your sweater to begin with. You begin to pull it over your head when you feel the fabric being firmly tugged down.

“Keep it; you always looked better in it anyway.”

“I’ll have your things sent over.”

“Just give them to me when you’re next at work.”

“That might not work out.”

“Right, I forget no one knows about us there.”

You smile, and stretch your arms around his lean torso. He embraces you, planting a kiss on top of your head.

“Go on now.” He steps back, and wipes his cheek with the back of his hand. “I’ll see you at the office.”

You bite your lip, debating how honest you should be, but decide it’s not worth the additional conversation. Instead, you just wave at him, fingers poking out the oversized sleeve.

Returning to your apartment, the silhouettes of cardboard boxes surround you. One is labelled ‘Chanyeol’s stuff’. You send Somi a text.

 

**One last request – will you get someone to drop Chanyeol’s stuff off at his place?**

**Somi: Of course, did you tell him? <3 **

**Thank you.**

**I couldn’t. He’ll get the email, same as everyone tomorrow morning x**

**Yes boss! <3 **

______________________________________________________________

 

Dear all,

Due to recent personal circumstances, I will be taking an indefinite leave as CEO of YMP Pharmaceuticals. Kim Chunga, managing director and partner, will be taking over, with Jeon Somi being promoted to replace Miss Kim. I trust all of you will make them both feel as welcome as you did me, and follow their visions for our company.

It’s thanks to each and every one of you that I was able to make YMP a reality, and I hope you will continue to play a key role in the advancement of modern medicine in my absence.

Yours sincerely,

______________,

(Ex) CEO of YMP Pharmaceuticals


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is it guys! thank you so much for sticking with me and my little fic - i hope this chapter can bring you some sort of closure!
> 
> yell at me on twitter - ft_kihyun
> 
> love you lots, see you next time!

You tousle your freshly cut bangs, running your fingers through your hair. You still weren’t used to the short bob you’d chopped in only two weeks prior. After freshening up, you step out the bathroom into the living room of your new apartment. It was smaller than your old place – a studio with a balcony – but it was closer to office, and further from the hospital. A completely new neighbourhood all together.

Your fridge displays an array of magnets showing your travels, only missing Alaska and Hawaii before you could brag that you had visited all 50 states. The last six months had been a whirlwind; from the first Monday after you’d left, you were on the road. You had spent 4 months exploring the country, from the Space Needle to The Keys. While you were laying on a beach in California, accepting the fact your trip was almost over as you sat in state number 48, you recalled one place you had always wanted to go – your dream destination. All your travels so far had merely been a chance for you to get away; to ‘find yourself’. But there was one place that had been a goal way before you ever ‘lost yourself’.

So, you booked the first flight you could, and spent your final month in Sydney.

You had mailed postcards to Sohye, and regularly Skyped with Chunga and Somi, both about the company and personal matters.

During all your time, you sent him one postcard, from your furthest destination. Even if he had moved on and forgotten about you, you hoped that knowing you’d gone would make him smile a little.

Now, you smooth out your skirt, call an Uber, and prepare for a grand reunion.

 

-

 

“________!” Chunga’s squeal bounces around the office, and your cheeks flush. “I didn’t know you were coming in today!” Chunga gallops towards you, and lifts you off the floor in a tight hug.

“Oh, my god, since when could you lift my fat ass?”

“Blame Little Miss Sporty out there; she’s got me at the gym three times a week, and we go rock climbing on Saturdays.”

“My god, you are so whipped.”

“Sit down, tell me everything!” She gestures over to the desk, hovering around the side for a moment. “Do you wanna sit here?” She points to the chair behind; where you always used to sit when this was your office.

“Hell no, I want to kick my shoes off and lounge around on this side like you always used to do.”

To prove your point, you sit, cross your ankles and rest them on the edge of the desk. She laughs as she sits down, and leans forward onto one elbow.

“So how are you feeling? Are you thrilled to be back?”

“’Thrilled’ may be the wrong word, but it had to happen eventually.”

“And you’re sure you don’t want this job back? I don’t want you to feel like you have to stay away or anything – this is your company after all.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You and Somi have been killing it here – if you two break up, then _maybe_ I’ll have to do some reshuffling, but otherwise I wouldn’t tear apart the dream team.”

“We were the original dream team, though.” She winks at you, and you click your tongue.

“I’m looking forward to a change of scenery – working in hospitals will be a good chance to get some hands-on experience with all the meds we’re trying to get to people. Plus, Sohye always seemed so overwhelmed. It’ll be nice to be able to alleviate that for her and other nurses anyway I can.”

“Have you told her you’re back?”

“Nope – just you and Somi know. And the entire office, now you screamed about it.”

“So, you haven’t spoken to Chanyeol recently?”

You grit your teeth. The thought of seeing him again made your palms clammy and your stomach twist and turn. What if you saw him and didn’t feel the same way anymore? Or worse: what if you did, but he didn’t?

“Is he in today?”

“No, he has Thursdays off. Not to stir the pot, but you should definitely see him. The first couple weeks after you left, he wouldn’t stop asking after you. Then, after he got that post card from you…Just, go see him when you leave here.” Her smile was wide, and it softened your worries a little.

Not much.

Just enough to convince you to follow her directions.

Standing on his doorstep, your heart beats at double speed. _This is so stupid._ You wonder if you should have called. Or if you should have come at all.

_No. You’re here now. Be brave._

You reach up, and knock twice. You let out a noise that could be misinterpreted as a strangled sound, and shove the hand that knocked deep into your coat pocket. In the other hand, a grey hoodie that has travelled the world with you.

You hear movement behind the door, and step from foot to foot. _Why were you acting like this? Get a grip._ The door opens, and you beam…only to have your smile drop.

“Can I help you?” A girl with dark eyes and dark brown hair bats her eyelids at you, and smiles.

“Um…I…I was wondering if Chanyeol was around?”

“He’s out visiting a friend at the moment– probably won’t be back for another hour. I can tell him you stopped by?”

“That’s okay, I was just in the neighbourhood.” You look her up and down, admiring her petite figure and long legs. She appeared to be in pyjamas – clearly used to making herself comfortable.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, thanks anyway...”

“Mina. Nice to meet you.” She reaches to shake your hand, and at that point, you become aware of the clothing item in your hand.

“Oh, will you just give him that? He leant me it last time I saw him – it’s all washed and everything, figured he’d want it back.”

The girl takes it from you and nods. You smile, and turn, quickening your pace to get to the elevator before the tears prickling your eyes do anything to embarrass you.

All this time you had been so worried you wouldn’t feel anything when you saw him, the idea he would have moved on had just been an afterthought – something you told yourself so you didn’t get too big-headed.

_Never mind, stupid girl._

You try not to dwell on the sad pit tangling in your stomach, and instead focus on the other visit you needed to make today – a visit well overdue.

 

-

 

After stopping in town for a bouquet, you hold the flowers in your lap as the cab drives up the hill to the cemetery.

 

**He wasn’t there. His girlfriend was though xx**

**Chunga: GIRLFRIEND?!?!?!?**

**Chunga: U sure????**

**Chunga: I’ll kick his ass when I see him next <3 **

**Don’t sweat it. My mistake xx**

You reach the top, and sit in the cab a moment. Looking at your phone, you wonder whether you should leave him a message, or send a text, just to let him know you’re in town. Quickly, before you can change your mind, you type out:

**Hey, hope this is still your number. I got back yesterday -  stopped by your place, but you weren’t in. I gave your sweater to Mina– the grey one? I don’t know if you still remember it. If you’re free at any point, let’s get coffee xx**

**_[Failed to send]_ **

 

You cuss at the lack of service, and the cab driver clears his throat to alert you to the fact you were overstaying your welcome inside his vehicle.

You wander through the cemetery, observing the variety of offerings around you. Some were covered – flowers, cuddly toys, cards. You figure these must be the new ones. Others, the plants had wilted, and the moss had begun to cover the writing. You know Sohye had said she’d visited a couple of times right after the funeral, but guilt began to mix with the misery from your early encounter as the image of his name being moss-riddled and forgotten plaguing your mind.

You had needed to leave for yourself, but only now did you regret leaving him.

Finally, you reach his plot, and your eyebrows furrow at the sight of barely wilted flowers sitting before you. You check them over, and see no card.

_Sohye must have felt guilty and stopped by recently._

You lay yours beside them, and kneel in front of the name. You knew some people spoke out loud, but the idea made you cringe. Just giving the flowers and leaving seemed half-assed, though. So instead, you just sit there, reading the engravings over and over.

‘Jae,

Brave until the end,

Reunited with his parents now’

The words become blurry, and you sniff hard to stop yourself crying. _Maybe sitting in silence wasn’t the best idea._ Your alternative? Rambling, it seemed.

“Hey baby boy. Sorry it’s been so long – I don’t think you can hear me since I’m pretty sure you’re not down there anymore, so you’ve probably been watching where I’ve been. I wanted to take you on a road trip, you know? It was something me and my friends had spoken about doing in college but never got around to, so when you got better I was gonna take you to see the world.”

You tap your cheeks as the tears recoil slightly.

“Don’t worry though, I’ll be stopping by way more often. I’m sorry you couldn’t be put with mom and dad here – something about needing to keep kids and adults separate – but I got you as close as I could. Not that location matters here; I’m sure you’ve found them where you are now, so that’s what matters. I bet they’re spoiling you rotten. Well, mom at least. Dad always tried to stay strict on you, no matter how healthy you were.”

You smile a little, finally stopping yourself from crying as you spoke.

“It was great to go places, but don’t for a second think I don’t miss you. Every god damn day.” Your hand flies to your mouth. “I know that’s not a proper swear, but I think it’s worse if you’re in a holy place. I’ll be sure to go put a dollar in the collection plate – maybe light you a candle or something?” You softly chuckle, your shoulders shaking at your comment. “Nah, I’ll put it towards something nicer for you; some better flowers, since whoever else has visited you has made mine look pretty crappy. Woops, there’s another dollar.”

Your head tilts to the side, and you reach out to run your hand over the markings.

“We were gonna do great things, baby boy. I’ll try do things worth telling you about for next time I visit, okay?”

Pushing yourself up, you brush the mud from your knees. While you’re here, you decide it was about to time you went and saw your parents too – they would be more understanding of your absence, since you had visited them before you left. You walk up the hill, away from the children’s plots, and go to sit with your parents. You didn’t have much to say to them – your dad had raised you believing once a person dies, their body is empty, nothing left behind to speak to. With Jae, you had spoken as an act to comfort yourself. But talking in front of these guys, you could imagine your dad laughing at you. _‘There’s no one there, ______.’_ He would say in a mocking tone. _‘You wanna talk to someone, use a phone.’_

The thought of ‘phones’ reminds you of your pending message, and you reach for your cell phone. With one bar, you hit send, only for signal to vanish again. You let out a frustrated groan, and wander back in the direction you came. There must have been service at one point while you were here; you would need it to call a ride home.

Holding your phone out in front of you, your arm swings around as you look for service. Your brain starts working out a plan B – it was almost a kilometre to the nearest bus stop, but you had enough change to get you back home. Realistically, you’d probably have found service by the time you reached the stop though, so there really wasn’t any need to worry abou-

Your mind stops as the message finally sends, just feet away from Jae. You smile, and open your Uber app. Typing in your address, you hear the ‘ping’ of a phone behind you. You look up for the fellow mourning visitor, and your eyes widen.

His hair is shorter than before. He wears ripped jeans and a red flannel, and rises from laying flowers down, wilted bouquet in his hands. He’s looking at his phone, reading the message you just sent and typing out a reply, when you say his name.

“Chanyeol.”

His eyes turn to you, and his face brightens enough for you to momentarily forget your gloomy surroundings. _Mr Tall and Smiley._ Your heartbeat rang in your ears.

“_______.” He’s up, and it takes him three strides to meet you, arms enclosed your torso and lock you in against his chest. You do your best to hug him back, though his hold on you makes movement limited. He releases you, and continues to beam at you. “Sorry.” He scratches the back of his head. “How are you? How long have you been back?”

“Only a couple of days, I went into the office today to say hi to everyone but you weren’t in. I stopped by your place…”

“Yeah, I saw the message. You should have called - if I’d known you were coming here, we could have carpooled or something.”

“I didn’t know you visited him.”

“Once a week – I finished reading the Harry Potter books to him, then it was just part of the routine. I was gonna wait to start the Lord of the Rings; you always said he was too young for them.”

You bite your lip; even with you gone, he really had cared about Jae. Looked after him when you weren’t around to.

“Do you want a ride home? I’ve got a car now – it’ll only take a couple of minutes.”

“Oooh, get you, the fully functioning adult! I’m not sure that’s a great idea; I live the other side of the city now.”

“How about you come to mine then? We can get that coffee you offered.” He smiles, and waves his phone around to remind you of his message.

You struggle to come up with a good reason not to – your day’s completely free, and maybe this would offer some form of closure at least.

“Sure. Why not?”

 

-

 

The car journey is filled with idle chit chat – you ask how work has been, he asks about your hair cut. You curse yourself for the way your heart flutters when he says “It looks good. Really good, actually.” He runs around the car to open the door for you, and there’s another flutter. In the silence of the elevator, you catch him staring, and he turns away smiling, causing flutter number three. _This may have been a bad idea._

“You want a drink? Coffee, tea, hot chocolate?”

“I didn’t think you drank tea.”

“It’s not mine, it’s Mina’s.”

The flutter is sharp, and twists inside you.

“Ah. Right…Mina. Erm, how about hot chocolate? I haven’t had one since before I left!”

He turns to look at you, a flicker of sadness in his eyes as you both know what that means. _Since before Jae died._ However, it soon disintegrates, and returns to his usual bright expression.

“I hope it was okay, me visiting him.”

“Of course, someone had to in my absence. Plus, he really did like you. If he hadn’t, I don’t think you would have been allowed to stay with us unfortunately; he’s very good at getting his own way.”

“You kept things pretty well managed though – he did everything you told him to.”

“Trust me, there were arguments. He just didn’t want to embarrass himself in front of you.”

You’re handed a mug, and you blow across the top. Looking around, very little has changed.  There was still a keyboard under the window, the old TV in front of the couch you now sat on. The only difference: it was tidy. CD’s were stacked on the shelf. Magazines and sheet music were in piles either side of the keyboard. It even looked like it had been dusted.

“When did you get so domestic?”

“It’s not me, it’s Mina.”

“Of course it is…” Your lips press tightly, voice trying to give off an air of apathy.

“Oh my god, still jealous after all this time.”

“I think I have a right to be this time round; I mean, I showed up and the first thing I see here is this drop-dead gorgeous girl opening your door.”

“Wait, what?”

“I know, it’s stupid. I told you not to wait, so I’m not mad or anything. But damn, Chan, did she have to be _that_ beautiful? Couldn’t you have found someone with a sparkling personality or something instead?”

The words fall out, and you two stare at each other a moment. His mouth hangs open, his eyebrows furrowed. Regret rushes over you, and you laugh once, nervously.

“Sorry, I don’t know what came over me.” The shock at your own words propels you to stand up. “It’s been a long day, I think I’d better be heading home.” You fumble through your pockets for your cell phone, anxious giggles spilling out of you. Chanyeol rises, taking a step towards you. “Maybe we could try this again another time; forget this was a thing that happened”

“_______.”

“We’ll go to a café, pretend I’m not a crazy person that started attacking your girlfriend for no logical reason.”

“_______.”

“Seriously, I’m really sorry about all of this; she seems very nice, you’re a lucky guy.” You finally reach the door, and twist the handle.

“______!”

A strong hand pushes the door shut above your head, and you turn to see him standing over you, looking down at you with dark eyes. You look down, embarrassed, and try to calm your breathing now you’ve finally stopped rambling. You feel his finger under your chin, dragging your gaze to meet his. His eyes look over your features, and the corner of his mouth upturns slightly when he eventually settles on your lips. The apartment is silent, causing the pounding in your ears to seem almost deafening. He dips his head, and you sharply inhale. He keeps himself mere centimetres away for a few seconds, and you feel his hot breath so close; _so close,_ you can’t take it anymore and close the gap between the two of you.

It starts slow, and has you melting against him. As your hand climbs his back, pulling him closer, he runs his down yours, grabbing one of your legs and lifting it to wrap around his waist. You squeal as he pushes you against the door, tongue dipping in and out as your nails dig into his scalp. It’s only when he lets out a hiss when your teeth accidentally grab his bottom lip too hard that you come to your senses.

“Wait, stop, stop, stop.” You tap at the hand that had found its way up your shirt, and pull away to look at him, pupils dilated and lips swollen. “We can’t do this. You need to let me go right now.”

“What? Why?” His hand becomes visible and rests above your head, but the one on the small of your back stays put. “Don’t you want this?”

“You know I do; that’s the problem here. I don’t care how much I love you, I’m not gonna sleep with you when your girlfriend has, what, gone out for groceries? I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again – cheating is _far_ too complicated for me.”

He stares at you a moment, before smirking, chuckling deeply. He scratches above his eyebrow with his thumb.

“I’m not cheating on Mina, you dumbass.”

“Really? Because about five seconds ago it felt a lot like your hand was pressed against my tit.”

“She’s not my girlfriend! She got back from Syria still very much in love with her boyfriend, and a big ass engagement ring stuck to her finger!”

Now was your turn to furrow your brows, scowling at him.

“Remember? Roommate that used to live here? You called her intelligent and kind and wonderful?”

Flashbacks to the first time you visited Chanyeol’s apartment flourish to the front of your mind; tales of his college roommate going to treat patients in Syrian hospitals. With her boyfriend. The same boyfriend Chanyeol just mentioned has proposed…

The likelihood of the three of them being in a polyamorous relationship seemed slim, which left one option.

“Oh, my god.” You sink down, hands covering your face as red paints your entire face. “As if this entire situation couldn’t get any more embarrassing.”

“Yeah, you’ve kinda made a dick of yourself here, haven’t you?”

You look up and glower at him, but your anger subsides when he laughs.

“Now we’ve got that confusion out of the way…” He reaches out a hand, and pulls you to standing once more. “I haven’t seen the woman I love in 6 months. You mind if I show her how much I’ve missed her?”

He peppers kisses along your neck, and you simper.

“If you want. I’ll go get her for you, yeah?”

You pretend to turn away, and his hand catches around your waist. He squats down, and before you can fully acknowledge you’re tipped upside down over his shoulder. You scream and giggle, feigning an effort to escape as you kick your legs.

“Mr Park, what are you doing?” Your squeals egg him on, and you bounce up and down with him as he laughs and walks you through the apartment.

“Simple: I’m taking you hostage, so you’ll be stuck with me forever. How does that sound?”

You feel light-headed, and not just from being upside down.

“I’ve always wanted 'simple'.”


End file.
